November 09, 2003
.::Happy Shiny People::. "Hold On"
.::Happy Shiny People::.
"Hold On" by Sarah McLachlan
and oh God,
the man I love is leaving...
hold on,
hold on to yourself
for this is gonna hurt like hell
src="http://images.quizilla.com/C/cleric09/1057336891_41_5979096.gif" border="0" alt="katana">
You are a katana! You are sharp, fast, and easy to
control. sometimes you are too short but you
make up for it with your grace and elegance.
What kind of sword are you?
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I'm easy to control? Since when?
Elvish
To which race of Middle Earth do you belong?
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My emotions have been in a jumble this week. On Monday, Puppy was hit by a bus, and I didn't find out until late that night. It's a miracle he walked away from it all, but still the entire story threw me a curve ball. Then everything sort of snowballed from there. Puppy seemed just . . . distant the past couple of weeks. There was a silence that wasn't supposed to be there. I really don't know how to describe. Perhaps it was me, too, that was distancing myself. I'm afraid. I still am terrified of getting hurt. And something deep down says he wouldn't intentionally hurt me. I know he didn't try to this week. But still, the separateness hurt.
I shouldv'e believed M when she said he'd never hurt me.
Then a couple days ago, I found out he wants to get a job aboard the Hawaiian Chieftain, some boat going to California. The details mattered little to me, all that really sunk in was that he's leaving for four months. A terribly long time. So since he told me, the days have just passed extraordinarily slow. I feel like I'm walking through a haze, just doing what needs to be done. That added to my exaustion, even though I've had enough sleep, has just screwed me up. I feel like a mess.
I understand why he wants to work there. And I'm happy for him, that he can do something he loves. But I'm so friggin' selfish. It's just not fair. There's a lot of hopes and dreams I had planned for this winter season, and the next couple of events coming up, but he's not going to be there. I'm just being a brat.
The past two weeks have just been torture for me. I usually don't worry; I really don't. My mind just wonders.
So tonight I've finally had a much-needed date with Puppy. After work, we went over to TexMex, and he tried calimari. Yummy. We hung out and just talked. That's what I love about him. When he does open up, he shares everything. And he's always there to listen to my babbling. When he smiles, it's genuine. God, I'm going to miss him.
Posted by everythinguarent at November 9, 2003 10:56 PM