distinctly.elan

Mood: ambivalent Song: "White Flag"

Mood: ambivalent
Song: "White Flag" by Dido

I am so glad this weekend is over. It's been taxing on everyone at the ship, and it feels almost like it's not worth it, but at least I did work a good 23 hours on Saturday and Sunday, so this week has almost been like working summer hours again. (yay. More money for car.) So here was my weekend:

Friday: Class 9-12, went home, much to my dismay. As soon as I was dropped off, though, Mum was luckily just pulling away to leave for work, so I got the house key from her (I'd left mine in the house), ate, then marched right out to the bustop again to go back downtown. Stupid, you say? You're probably right. But.. I was bored. So I got to the Harbor around 2pm, then helped to make the hammocks for the Overnight that the ship was holding that night. Yay for blisters and working hands. I left to go home at 4pm, and arrived 45 minutes later to find that not only had Dad not picked up my skirt (it was too long and needed to be altered), he did not realize what tiome the Cruise started. So I showered, changed into the top, fixed my hair and makeup, and waited for dad to get home with my skirt so I could leave. So 5:30 passed. Then 5:45. 6:00. By 6, I was ready to just wear the top with a pair of my army fatigue pants (I needed an excuse to wear them) and go to the Cruise like that. Finally, at ten-after, dad showed up with the skirt and an excuse that the people weren't ready (they said the skirt would be finished by 3 that afternoon), and they wouldn't accept a check, so dad went to the bank to get cash. So I changed again into the skirt, and flew down to the Canton area. The Black-Eyed Susan was a simple paddleboat, complete with two decks, one a resturant/cafe area. I arrived a bit late, but it didn't matter, as we were still waiting for another guest. Kat and Aaron were already there, and they looked nothing less than amazing. Aaron was decked out in a long tuxedo, a fedora, and cane, and Kat had made this adorable black and pink 50's number. Allie had a pretty pale blue long gown, and Seth had matched details of his suit to Dace's gorgeous red dress. I had my Junior Prom dress on, which was really a seperate bodice and skirt. The bodice being a sea foam green with a black overlay and tiny embroidered flowers, and was backless with only a crisscross back to make it more of a corset (how was I to know I couldn't take off the shawl I had? Dr. H is too prissy. But that was fun, watching everyone gasp. *wink*), and the skirt was the same color with the overlay. I got to see Amanda and Whitney again, and met a couple of the new guys at RCCS (who thank God aren't as prissy and uppity as the rest of the RCCS bunch). If only Alex had come to RCCS the years I was there.. he seemed like a sweetie and pretty genuine. But I wouldn't go back there for anything. All in all, it was a lovely night, the boat paddled around the Harbor a couple times, and the dinner wasn't too bad, although during the giving of the class rings to the Juniors, they could have sickened me a little bit less and laid off the "our teachers love the students / RCCS is awesome and the greatest school" crap. And Kat and I will get to wear our dresses again for PHS's Homecoming on October 18!!

A week has passed since

A week has passed since the storm. Time seems to be passing by so slowly, yet swiftly. But... Imust add to this someday. I've been so extremely lazy and blah, I haven't really felt like Blogging, except to rant a bit. Not that the past week's been crappy.. it's been goood. Loved every minute of it. I've just.. oh, I honestly don't know what to feel sometimes, and so many times I don't trust myself with speaking, or even writing here, that when I do write something, I go backand delete it. Maybe it is just me, that I can't be content and accept it when life is good.. And thenwhen I think I know how I'm feeling I still question myself, if everything is real or not. I don't want to get hurt. So I keep myself hidden away. And I know it's not good for me, or any of my loved ones, but it's so hard, to open up, and be honest.

And it kills me that I feel like I have to hide. Just frustrated at myself.

Just a note b/c i

Just a note b/c i can't leave comments for K :-(

Wow. I'm stunned and while my thoughts were confirmed, I am still surprised. I love my Kitty (a kitty and a Puppy.. tehe), she's awesome and a sweetie and I love you girl. Keep sticking to being honest and tru to yourself, I love you so very much, and can't wait to see your gown tonight. Much love!

What a slow lazy day.

What a slow lazy day. You question my laziness? Here's my day:

0714- Woke up with a horribly pounding headache, mumbled/screamed at mum for not knowing where the aspirin was, found some and went back to bed
1043 - Woke up
1050-Ate Life cereal, headache lessened for the most part
1100- Laid in bed, reading Peretti's Hangman's Curse
1220- Came downstairs, put pizzas in oven
1250- Ate
1315- Played a couple hands of Solitaire
1350- Debate when to get a shower for work

I'm bored. Sigh. And as much as I wouldn't mind going to work early (I'm scheduled at 5) I honestly don't want to risk making my cold worse. *cough*

Mood: freezing..teeth chattering..ick Song: Puddin

Mood: freezing..teeth chattering..ick
Song: Puddin snuffling in a corner

I can't be getting sick. Not now. Yuck. I'm wearing pants, a long-sleeved shirt, and have a blanket over my legs, yet I'm freezing. Not good at all. So I sit here, in my spinny-chair of self-pity, and hope hope that I'm not getting sick. A bowl of Ramen soup would do me good right about now, which I'm happy to say Dad bought a box of the stuff a couple days ago. Tomorrow's lunch. Yay. But besides that, there's not much else I can do.

I am worth exactly: $1,845,290.00.

I am worth exactly: $1,845,290.00.

We hope you can find somebody who is wealthy enough to afford you.

See how much you're worth at Humans for Sale.

Aoccdrnig to a rscheearch at

Aoccdrnig to a rscheearch at Cmabrigde Uinervtisy, it deosn't mttaer in waht oredr the ltteers in a wrod are, the olny iprmoetnt tihng is taht the frist and lsat ltteer be at the rghit pclae. The rset can be a total mses and you can sitll raed it wouthit porbelm. Tihs is bcuseae the huamn mnid deos not raed ervey lteter by istlef, but the wrod as a wlohe.

That's incredibly odd. it somewhat makes sense, actually.

"Half-life" by Duncan Sheik I'm

"Half-life" by Duncan Sheik

I'm awake in the afternoon
I fell asleep in the living room
and it's one of those moments
when everything is so clear

wake me, let me see the daylight
save me from this half-life
let's you and I escape
escape from time

..::Lies and Cruises::.. Stopped by

..::Lies and Cruises::..

Stopped by Allie's on the way home to drop off the money for her school's Ring Cruise, and I wonder, why am I going? Besides the fact that I'll be able to hang with Allie and Kat and Aaron, and dress up and look nice and wear my Junior Prom gown that I never got to wear, why?

Perhaps I should just list my reasons. No, that would be too easy. I feel the need to show off myself now, both to old teachers and students. Not because I look like anything special, or I'm some Ricki Lake "Geek to Hottie!" turnaround, but more because I feel so happy and great about myself. I feel like a different person than the shy 9th grader I was when I left RCCS.

So here goes.

RCCS was the tiny, itty-bitty, minute, (fill in synonym for minuscule here) private school I went to for 7th,8th, and 9th grade. (read: cardboard-thin trailers and uniforms) God, I hated the place. The first year I went there, I sat pretty much by myself all the time and just wanted to be noticed. Then 8th grade came around, and I started hanging out with Allie and a couple other friends of hers. Wasn't too bad, but I still stuck out to the other students like a sore thumb. Maybe it was my attitude, maybe the way I answered questions, I don't know. But I do know I wasn't accepted. Not at all. Even Allie was busier with her other friends. But the 'rents loved RCCS, so I was stuck. Until 9th grade. Then Jess befriended me (mostly because she felt sorry for me and noticed there other students' whispers and snickers), and I felt a bit better. All she wanted was to leave RCCS. She had been with the school since 4th grade, and finally this was her last year to stay. That became my goal: simply to get the year over with. So I did. She convinced me to go to the 19th Century Ball that RCCS held, and I did, and until the moment I walked in the door, I felt as pretty as a picture. There, throughout the entire night, no one asked me to dance. Not a single guy. At least of his own free will. Jess, the kind-hearted girl she was, asked Ray to ask me to dance, and he did. But that was it. I danced a bit with Jess, but we had our own pity-parties, as most of the dances were reels and according to the instructors, we needed a male partner to dance with. Then in late May of 9th grade, RCCS had its annual luau, and each student was required to pay for a ticket. Our class, as it was holding the luau, was asked by a teacher why so few people were buying tickets. I spoke up, and said honestly, something along the lines that "Maybe people didn't want to go because they wouldn't feel welcome by others." I didn't plan to go, 1) I had other things planned that night, and 2) Because I just didn't want to go. Well, the teacher not only disgraced me in front of my peers, but yelled at me (literally yelled) that I shouldn't be so rude, and be hurtful with my words. I was simply telling the truth. I left that June and haven't ever looked back.

For 10th grace, I was homeschooled, and am most grateful for that year alone. It was a time to regain myself, who I am. When I started at a public school for 11th grade, I was happy with myself, and not afraid to show it. And people loved me for me. Even though it wasn't the greatest fit, and I wouldn't want to go back, it all added to make me, me.

So here I am now.

And I look back on those years, and I still wonder why I want to say, "Yeah, this is me. Elan. Remember?" I wonder why I want to see some people who look exactly the same, and those who've changed a bit, but not enough to be unrecognizable. Perhaps it's just for the thrill of seeing the shocked look on their faces when I introduce myself. I don't know. But is it worth it to get my hair done, redo my hair, and spend my hard-earned money for a ticket, just to show off? I think so. Even if it doesn't make sense, it's what I do.

One of the classics. A

One of the classics. A must-see for me, date or no ;-)

November 12-21 Guys and Dolls- Lose yourself in the smooth-talking, gambling world of Nathan Detroit as he woos good-hearted Sarah Brown in this musical comedy. Fr-Sat 8 pm, Sun 3 pm. Chesapeake Theater, Harford Community College, 401 Thomas Run Rd, Bel Air. $7-14. 410-836-4211.

Before I get started on

Before I get started on recapping dear Isabelle (haha boycotting), I want to rant for a bit.

1) Who on Earth do Baltimore Magazine think they are?

2)Since when does your average Baltimore City resident have nearly $7000 to spend on a "sequined tube dress"?

A month or so ago, a bunch of photographers from Baltimore Magazine came to the Constellation and brought along a model. I figured I'd buy the magazine when it came out, or at least check it out to see the picture. Well, guess what? One can't even tell it's the good ship (unless one happens to know every nook and cranny of the bell), not only because of the fuzziness of the photo (call me ridiculous, but still..it's a good shot, just..), but because the model's hiding it! Every other photo of places around the Harbor the viewer can tell where the model is... but no, not Constellation's photo. Argh.

Secondly, the models. For goodness' sake, no one in Baltimore is going to pay thousands of dollars to wear chichilla or mink just so they can ride around on the WaterTaxi. Not even the fur is what I'm pissed about. Check out their heading for the photoshoot: "This year, Baltimore’s urban fashion is all about clean lines, simple silhouettes, and effortlessly modern dressing." Puh-leese. I'm sick and tired of models skipping around in outrageous clothes with massive prices that no average citizen could ever afford. Nevermind the fact that Baltimore City isn't exactly renowned for its upstanding citizens, either. But the point! Even Teen Vogue, which I accepted a free subscription a couple months ago, features, yes, gorgeous-wow-wouldn't-I-love-to-own-that clothing, but my-gosh-look-at-the-price tags. But I do get a lot of fresh ideas for sketching.

Check out the photoshoot here, Constellation's picture is at the very bottom.

..::1,2,3 testing... Is this thing

..::1,2,3 testing... Is this thing on?::..

x. 1. pick out one of your scars. how'd you get it? I have a scar nearly an inch long on my left knee. I got in second grade fomr tripping over tree roots at St. Peter's Day School, where I went for 1st and 2nd grade.
x. 2. whats on the walls in your room? A poster for Casablanca, a caricature of me ice skating when I was 3, a couple Victorian pictures or sketches.
x. 3. would you rather play or watch football? Watch.
x. 4. what sport would you say your best at? Softball or archery, although I haven't played either in years.
x. 5. whats your worst nightmare? Drowning.
x. 6. what do you do for exercise? Ride my bike. Walk.
x. 7. apples or oranges? Oranges, but tangerines are preferable.
x. 8. grapes or watermelon? Watermelon if it's ripe and not too sandy.
x. 9. wolves or tigers? Tigers.
x. 10. what kind of music do you listen to? Rock/rap, a bit of goth metal, mellow, funk, random stuff.
x. 11. have you ever written poetry? Yes, but I haven't written anything in a while.
(where's 12?)
x. 13. do you remember birthdays? *ducks* heh, occasionally.
x. 14. do you know what time you were born ? 6:45pm
x. 15. do you have a birthmark, where? A couple on my arms (although they're more like freckles), and 1 on my left palm.
x. 16. would you call yourself a romantic person? Yes.
x. 17. whats the weirdest thing you ever did? Ha. I don't know. Much of what I do is weird.
x. 18. what were you doing before taking this ? Eating.
x. 19. whats your favorite gum? Eclipse.
x. 20. favorite chocolate ? Dark chocolate.
x. 21. favorite non-chocolate candy? Skittles.
x. 22. chocolate or vanilla ice cream ? Chocolate all the way.
x. 23. do you own any leather ? Yes.
x. 24. favorite cologne ? Hmm. Todd wears some cologne called Pleasures, and it smells good to me.
x. 25. favorite perfume ? Ralph by Ralph Lauren. Yummy. It's fruity and flowery.
x. 26. do you own an instrument ? An old recorder.
x. 27. first thing you notice on the opposite sex ? Eyes. The way they walk.
x. 28. whats your favorite smell? Rain and mulch. The salty smell of the ocean.
x. 29. favorite oftenly heard sound ? Rain. Locusts on a summer night. Waves on the beach.
x. 30. what are you thinking right now ? Puppy better be back soon. He'd better not get himself hurt.
x. 31. do you get claustrophobic? No.
x. 32. could you ever see yourself moving somewhere other than where you are now ? Maybe eventually. I hope to stay in Maryland though, b/c as much as I love N.Carolina, and hate Md's taxes and crap, all my loved ones are here.
x. 33. whats your favorite disney movie of all time ? Beauty and the Beast. The Little Mermaid (oo I need to watch that again!). Finding Nemo.
x. 34. whats your favorite song of all time ? "Belong to Me" by Jason Wade.
x. 35. what was your favorite color when you were ten ? Purple.
x. 36. what color eyes do you have? Dark brown (Tom used to say I have "antichrist eyes" b/c they're so dark, they almost lok black.).
x. 37: do you or have you ever slept with a stuffed animal? Yes, still do. :-D
x. 38. if so whats its name ? PurpleBear, Sylvia
x. 39. who was your first crush when you were little ? Ahh haha.. I will never escape my past, will I? Erm... J
x. 40. most embarassing moment when u were little ? Hm. Can the milkshake incident work? Or drinking the white ink of a gel pen?
x. 41. what kind of hair do you like in the opposite sex? I usually like it kinda long.
x. 42. what attracts you to the opposite sex?: Intelligence. Humor.
x. 43. which friend of the same sex have you known the longest ? Kat.
x. 44. opposite? Probably John M.
x. 45. whats their birthday ? Kat's - haha she's gonna kill me if I tell ;-) John's- I have no idea.
x. 46. sunrise or sunset ? Sunrise.
x. 47. where at ? El Salvador. They was absolutely incredible. I'll never forget those sunrises.
x. 48. for the ladies, where can you see yourself gettin proposed to at ? Somewhere creative. I suppose it depends on the guy.
x. 49. gentlemen..where can you see yourself proposing ? N/A
x. 50. what are your five favorite movies that were big this year ? Finding Nemo, How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days, LOTR (so it came out this year, I can't think of anymore).
(51-56 are missing...)
x. 57. where can you see yourself going on a honeymoon? Somewhere exotic. Somewhere not many people know about.
x. 58. can you play an instrument ? Nope.
x. 59. can you speak a different language? A bit 'o Spanish.
x. 60. what was the first gift you ever recieved from the opposite sex? A Babs Bunny (from Tiny Toons. Remember those?) purse from Andy. I still have it, too.
x. 61. whose your favorite singer ? Singer? As in solo? Then John Mayer or Jason Wade.
x. 62. favorite bands? Lifehouse, Linkin Park, Dave Matthews, Evanescence, Creed, 12 Stones.. there's more.
x. 63. what kind of books do you like to read ? Historical Fiction, Romance
x. 64. do you like poetry? Yes.
x. 65. how do you like your coffee ? With 3 creams, and at least 2 sugars.
x. 66. what favorite phrase have you used recently ? Buyah!
x. 67. dragons or dinosaurs? Dragons.
x. 68. would you fall in love knowing the person was leaving ? Most likely, yes.
x. 69. whats the best way to tell someone you like them? "i like you"? Hit them over the head with a large blunt object. :-D
(70 is missing too)
x. 71. say a number one to a hundred: 7
x. 72. blondes,redheads, or brunettes?: Redheads.
x. 73. would you prefer to go ice skating or roller skating? Ice Skating.
x. 74. whats the one number you call often? Allie. (I know, I never call you! But..)
x. 75. what annoys you the most? I have little pet peeves. Like you meet someone and they're wearing sunglasses (especially dark tinted or reflective shades), so you can't see their eyes or what they're looking at.. it's unnerving.

ENFP - "Journalist". Uncanny sense of the motivations of others. Life is an exciting drama. 5% of the total population.

href="http://www.similarminds.com">Take Free Myers-Briggs Personality Test

What Color Represents your Desires? And What Are your Desires?

I wonder: Baltimore City and

I wonder: Baltimore City and County schools have closed for tomorrow, and so has Baltimore International College, but BCCC hasn't yet said anything. Hmm. Please let me get out of class for Friday!! *begs*

When I worked back at Herman's Bakery, we refused to call the cappachino floavoring "French Vanilla," but rather "Victory Vanilla." I thought it was cool, only because it was reminescent of the WW2 campaign to call "hamburgers" and "frankfurters" "Victory Burgers," and "hot dogs" (Hence we get the name hot dogs for the food today) because Germany was part of the Axis Powers. But apparently, some people think America has held grudges for too long (I still think France should have helped us in the war against Iraq) and we should nix the name of "Freedom Fries" for the traditional "French Fries."

I know it's nearly a

I know it's nearly a week late, but get over it.

3 for Thursday :

9-11-2001

1. Where were you when you first heard about the events of 9-11?
I was homeschooled in 2001, so I was taking a shower, and Jacob ran into the bathroom telling me an airplane had just crashed into the WTC. I didn't believe him, but then after 5 or so minutes, he ran back in and said another plane crashed itno the WTC. He also said a plane crashed into the White House, so I thought he was being terribly ridiculous. When I got out though, mum and Jacob were all sitting around, watching the news on the TV, but everything was just so oddly quiet.

2. Did you know anyone who was on one of the flights - or was a relative?
No, I'm very blessed when it comes to that.

3. How has the tragic events changed your life - or your attitude in life?
Honestly, I don't really think it changed a whole lot for me. Yes, it's impacted my life, but more in little ways b/c I do feel very aware that life could end at any day, but it doesn't really scare me. I suppose I just make the most of life.

4. Have you visited any of the attack sites/memorials?
Allie, her dad, and I visited NYC a few days before the Christmas of 2001, so everything was still so surreal. We walked around the remains of the WTC, and added a note on a quilt that was draped over a memorial. I took a couple photos, but for the most part everything seemed so reverant.

Yay. Perhaps these will make

Yay. Perhaps these will make up somewhat for missing the Evanescence concert last Saturday.

Michelle Branch
w/ Pat McGee Band & Nakona
@ 9:30 Club • Washington, DC
TUE. OCT. 14
$25.00

Switchfoot
w/ Bleu & Sleeping At Last
@ 9:30 Club • Washington, DC
Early Show! 6:00pm Doors
FRI. OCT. 17
$10.00

Will start saving for tickets... will not spend...at least I have a month. Now only to arrange rides. If you want to come, leave me a note.

Firsts and Lasts FIRSTS First

Firsts and Lasts
FIRSTS

First best friend: Kat
First real memory of something: Hmm. Begging dad to take me to the playground at Memorial Stadium in the middle of an O's game. I was 3 or so, couldn't have been older than 4. (for you non-Baltimorons: Memorial Stadium used to be the Orioles' stadium, and was located off of the Alameda until gov't tore it down last year.)
First date: Hmm. Went to Don's Valentine's day dance, although we weren't together, so I think the first date would be.. bowling and shopping with Noah from PHS.
First Break-up: Mike
First Job: washing and drying dogs at Dana's Dog Salon
First screen name: chichithebunny
First self purchased album: Jessica Simpson
First funeral: My grandmother on my dad's side
First pet: A grey tabby named Lucy
First piercing/tattoo: I got my ears pierced when I was 11.
First credit card: Not 18 yet.
First enemy: ha. This kid Brian, he hated me for some reason.
First big trip: South Carolina.. I was 6 or 7, and we went to my cousin's farm.
First play/musical/performance: I was 9 or so, the We Like Sheep musical

LASTS
Last big car ride: NC in July, somehow a 6-8 hour trip took nearly 12 hours.
Last good cry: July. Not even going into it.
Last library book checked out: Hmm. I can't even remember.
Last movie seen: LOTR: The Two Towers
Last beverage drank: Orange Juice (and pulpy. *sniff*)
Last food consumed: A tomato
Last phone call: *thinks hard* probably about two weeks ago when I called BCCC to schedule an appt.
Last tv show watched: CSI
Last time showered: this morning
Last shoes worn: flip flops
Last cd played: The DareDevil soundtrack
Last item bought: John Mayer's cd
Last annoyance: Jacob
Last soda drank: Mountain Dew Code Red
Last ice cream eaten: chocolate ripple
Last time scolded: a week or so ago

Which Rainbow Brite kid are you? By Growing.

Mood: pleased Song: "No Such

Mood: pleased
Song: "No Such Thing" by John Mayer
"Welcome to the real world", she said to me,
Condescendingly.
Take a seat, take your life.
Plot it out in black and white.
Well I never lived the dreams of the prom kings,
And the drama queens.
I'd like to think the best of me
Is still hiding
Up my sleeve.

Sometimes things just work out so perfectly. :-D As did today. One wouldn't think so, as the day started out with a trip to the doc's, where I learned that not only had I gotten a Tetnis shot in '98 and didn't need one a month ago when I cut my foot (thanks St. Joe's, the pain of that extra needle was so wonderful), but also that as I never had Chicken Pox as a kid, I needed to get my immunization. Weee. So I got one today (painful evil needle. It hurt.), and I need to go back in a month to get another shot. Fun times. Another reason I hate the doctor's and going to hospitals. Second, on the way downtown on Baltimore's trusty, punctual MTA system (yay buses!), we stopped to let someone on a couple blocks from my house, and the bus breaks down. I mean, completely halts. The engine shudders, then stops, and the bus is deadly quiet (for a bus, that is.) So we wait. And wait. finally after 30 minutes or so, another bus pulls up, and everyone climbs on. Yay, we're moving again. Good thing I planned on getting to work early. So I finally get to the Harbor around 2:15pm (I left at 1pm), check to see if the dress at Forever 21 I liked before was still there (it wasn't. Sigh.), then go on to but John Mayer's older cd, Room for Squares. The cd is awesome. I love his voice, and the guitar... Yay. Finally I go on to the ship, and hang out for a bit in the museum, folding newsletters with Puppy. At 4, which was the actual time I started work, we start getting ready for the catered event with the bigwig LCF people (LCF owns/manages the ship). Then we all find out that not only has Bossman scheduled 3 too many people to work the event (It only lasted an hour, and it was an LCF thing, after all.), but I'm being picked up at 8, and only Warrior #2 is left to work the event. That means L can go home, and Puppy and I are left with 2 hours of free time. So while I need all the hours I can get, (I'm only working 14 hours on Saturday this week, and that's it.) I am happy to have nothing to do. Works for me. Which brings me to another quandry: Bossman has been working with the Balto. Maritime Museum people to get me more hours (possibly working in the ticket booth near the Aquarium), but they only need someone to work on Tuesday and Thursday. Between classes on Monday evening and Friday morning, and drama on Wednesday night, my week is shot, and naturally, Bossman has me scheduled on Tues. and Thurs., at least through October. So working at the BMM won't really work, and the Constellation work comes before BMM, so I'm kinda stuck as where to turn for a second job. Reason for a second job is merely for fall through early spring, where I will be working very little, and I need the money for college savings, and savings for a car and insurance. Life does get complicated as I become older; it's ridiculous.

But it's nice to lose those cares and stressing about college and credits and such for a little while. I guess I only have one life to live, so I might as well give each day my all, and be optimistic about tomorrow. I've spent too much time feeling sorry for myself and wondering why I couldn't have things I've yearned for so long, that it's high time I actually put effort into making my dreams happen, rather than sit around. So I find myself where I am today, with a wonderful Puppy; the most wonderful, supportive, caring friends I could hope for; and good music (provided by the great John Mayer himself.) But I love my life. I really don't think I could ask for anything more. Yes, there are ups and downs, and problems where money's tight for the family. But life is good. And I know I'm loved.

And for the first time, I've fallen completely and irreversibly for someone.

You believe you are the

You believe you are the queen of the world (of cats,
of course!)


What type of cat are you?
brought to you by Quizilla
Heh. Darn straight.

Congratulations!! You're a strawberry daquiri!!


What Drink Are You?
brought to you by Quizilla
No surprise here. They're yummy.

My inner child is ten years old!

The adult world is pretty irrelevant to me. Whether
I'm off on my bicycle (or pony) exploring, lost
in a good book, or giggling with my best
friend, I live in a world apart, one full of
adventure and wonder and other stuff adults
don't understand.


How Old is Your Inner Child?
brought to you by Quizilla
No kidding.

You ever wish that you

You ever wish that you could just relive moments in your life again and again? I mean, not so much because anything astounding and incredible happened, but simply because it was a good moment? Today was something like that. Just totally and completely enjoying the moment. I hadn't seen Puppy in too long, which bugs me, but this week should be a bit better. So anyway, I got to surprise him and volunteer for a bit at the ship until he and Warrior #2 got off work. But just being there and enjoying Puppy's company was good enough for me.

How cool! I knew I

How cool! I knew I was right all along, dark chocolate is healthy for you.

Mood: anxious, frustrated Song: "I'm

Mood: anxious, frustrated
Song: "I'm No Angel" by Dido
I know I'm not perfect but I can smile
and I hope that you see this heart behind my tired eyes

Ick. What can I say postively? The week sucked. At least it's nearly over.

So here goes my explanation. I doubt it will cut it, but it's all I can do, and promise to make it up to you both. Anyway, Thursday was originally going to work for our excusrion to Arundel Mills. But mum wanted me to clean the entire day and didn't want me to go out with anyone (the whole "I don't like you having older friends" spiel, which is insanely ridiculous.) So asides from being stuck indoors all day, she also didn't allow me to email anyone on my wherabouts. Today's the first day I've finally been able to stay online for any amount of time. Then yesterday, after class at BCCC (which lasted until about 11:30am, I couldn't even walk over to the ship to talk or leave a note), we went home right away, and I was stuck indoors yet again to clean. Chose to walk around the neighborhood for a couple hours. I almost did go downtown, except I had no money for the bus fare, and didn't want to piss dad off by making him wait for me to get home. So I'm stuck home, unable to use the computer (mum put a password block on the entire system), and with no one's phone numbers, I couldn't contact M or IM. Ick.

At least last night was fun. Went to yg, I must admit I haven't been feeling much into going the past couple weeks, and the weeks I have wanted to go, I've been away (either vacation or some other family thing). Last week I was working, so this is the first night I was free to go in the past month or so. Dace, Allie, and Sean were all there. Speaking of, HAPPY BELATED 20TH BIRTHDAY Sean!! Hehe, you're the one person I can say that too and be unable to say I feel old. And I'm only 17. But, as it was your birthday, we still have to get together (and now I have the freedom to hang out over your house, and you don't have a party. What gives?) to go bowling or a movie or something (or eat crabs and steal the conversation with another philosophical discussion while Eric and Allie look on in unbelief? I miss that. T'was a fun day). And Sean, I appreciate what you said last night. If no one else understands about that, you do. And about her, stop spending so much time waiting for her; she's not worth your time and never will be. You're worth so much more than that. All I can hope is that you'll meet someone who deserves and who will truly love you for you. Love ya babe.

What else was I going to add? Oh yes, class. I'm taking English IV and Health now, and when I finish these classes I'll have Consumer Math and Structure of Writing. Then I will finally, once and for all, be completely finished with high school (thunderous applause). All I do for the classes is just read about 8-10 pages, then fill in questions for the homework, and send it in. Then I'll eventually have an exam, but so far, it seems like it'll be pretty simple. I already took British Lit last year, but BCCC is weird, so I have to take it again. Have to reread Beowulf again, which isn't a personal favorite, but Henry V is new. At least the class won't last too long, I do everything at home and it'll only take an hour max. That means I'll be able to work more. Ack. Next Saturday, I keep feeling like there's some event on Sept. 20st, but I have no idea what. It's weird. Anywho, Stan (boss dude) has me working 14 hours next Saturday! (10am-12am) At least it means I'll get a fair amount of hours in. Crazy, but caffeine is wonderful.

I cannot wait until I finally go to Drivers' Ed. I have the money for it now (paychecks=good), and some money in the bank to start saving for insurance and a car. By the time I have my license, at leat I'll be 18 and won't have to worry about provisionals'. Which is the problem of the moment with Allie. She and I had planned to drive to PA tomorrow and spend the day at Hershey Park, but no... she can't drive out of state. Joy. We now both have off for next Sunday, the 21st, and will drive up with Mary. So now she switched hours with someone at Blockbuster and will actually get paid for tomorrow. I, on the other hand, will resort to volunteering tomorrow. Yay. I get out of the house, and have something to do.

"What will your child learn

"What will your child learn about 9/11 on the second anniversary of the attack on America's security and economy? Last year, on the first anniversary of 9/11, the National Education Association urged teachers to not 'suggest any group is responsible.' In suggested lesson plans, the NEA recommended that teachers 'discuss historical instances of American intolerance' as the lesson America's schoolchildren should take away from the most dastardly attack on America since Pearl Harbor." -- (Alan Caruba)

And THAT, my dears, is one of the many, many reasons mum chose to homeschool me.

..:Rant Today, Gone Tomorrow::.. Forgive

..:Rant Today, Gone Tomorrow::..

Forgive me for this. I just can't take him anymore!! I never thought I would be saying this a year ago (wait, yes I would!), but I'm counting down the days until I turn 18. Not only that, but I can't wait to get out of this house. I'm dealing with too much crap from him right now, and dad's always bugging me about things that he has no right to bug me about. Consider an entry from the day we came home from NC, just a couple weeks ago:

On the way home, the fam, Adam, (Jacob's friend), Rach, and I stop by Burger King. Since dad's paying for once, I go for a Whopper Jr. meal. What I usually go for, minus the fries. But it's all hunky-dory until I request Ranch dressing for the fries (remember, I don't eat ketchup, nor do I splurge on fries and a burger together. But it's vacation.) So anyway, I ask for the Ranch, and dad not only glares at me, but has the nerve to say,

"Elan, you don't want to get that."
"Why dad?"
"Because it's too much fat for you."
"Dad, I'm fine."
"Elan [glares again] you can't get that too."

At this, I give up. So not only has he now completely embaressed me in front of Rach and Adam, I now feel bad, and he gets in an even more pissy mood. Great.

Rach and I get our food and sit down. Because she's the awesome sister/friend she is, Rach tries to convince me he's just being helpful. No, I know it's not that. You see, it's been like this for the past couple years.
"Elan, don't eat that. You'll get fat."
"It's just a snack, dad. I haven't eaten since 10 am [last school year, lunch was at 10am and I didn't get to eat anything until I got home around4-4:30pm] and I'm hungry."
"Eat some fruit."
"There is no fruit/I already did."
"If you eat those crackers/chips, your legs and butt will get huge."
"Dad, why do you friggin' care?!?"

Usually everyday after school goes like that. I'm sick of him so-called caring about my weight. He also thinks I don't exercise enough. (I usually run or ride my bike to Herring Run park 3 or 4 times a week). So it's driving me crazy. Not like I should let it bother me, I wouldn't if it were anyone else saying that to me, but... it's dad... supposedly someone who wants me to feel good about myself and wants the best for me, right? I guess I learned something tonight. I was wrong.

Two for Tuesday 1. Who

Two for Tuesday

1. Who was your favorite teacher? Why?
Ms. Johnson, my College Writing teach for 11th last year. She was about 24, vibrant, funny, and extremely intelligent. She taught me to look for the little things in both writing and life that feww people notice. We both have a love of reading poetry. If there is one thing I miss about BCC, it's her.

2. Do you have a memorable moment from highschool? What was it? Whether it was scoring the winning touchdown or falling down the bleachers...share with us.
hmm, I'll think about it and write about it tomorrow.

Let me be honest with

Let me be honest with myself for a moment. I'm terrified of school. I'm absolutely dragging my feet about graduating. I don't want to. And you know why? Because that means I'll be leaving my security, my comfortable spots. And i don't like change. I can't stand the idea of moving on. I mean, I like spontenaity(sp?), but in small doses. Hence why I don't want mum and dad to move to NC like they've been planning to do for the past half-dozen years.Don't get me wrong, I love North Carolina. I love the ocean, and walking on the beach, and body-surfing. But I don't want to move. The idea of packing up and leaving behind everything I've ever known and anyone I've ever loved for the past 17+ years scares me. It's odd. I've found that in the past couple weeks I've missed the ocean so much, yet if anything, I wish I could bring what I love about NC (the water, the sky, the weather) up here to Maryland.

Ai. Ignore me. I've just been thinking quite a bit the past couple days.

I'll write about the Turnaround

I'll write about the Turnaround tomorrow when I'm more awake, right now my attention is divided between chatting, watching LOTR:The Two Towers, and writing in this, so there's very little brain power to go around. Ack, I give up here.

..::Singing in the Rain::.. OR

..::Singing in the Rain::..
OR Losing Oneself

Mood: refreshed
Song: "Dream On" by Aerosmith

I do love the rain. Normally, I would rarely say that, especially as there is still 18 days left of humid Baltimore summer. But today was different. Any other rain would be humid and sticky, and wouldn't even cool off the day. Today's rain was wonderful - huge, wet, cool drops that pelted you and came with a lovely breeze.

So how I came to be soaked in this most wonderful of rains. Volunteered today, dad came by to pick me up, but he waited 10 minutes and left. I, being the occasional idiot I am (hey, I can't be perfect 100% of the time), lost track of time, and came out to the spot he usually picks me up at, but he had already left. Not having a watch (that would be too easy), I stayed out there until 4:30pm. Then alked back to the ship and work, called dad, told him I'd take the bus. Wee. I've taken the bus to get downtown, but never the other way around. So I hung out around the ship. Helped (or tried to, how was I supposed to know the Jack had already been taken down? Wait, don't answer that.) with Evening Colors. Greeted visitors, then realized they were staring at me simply b/c they were trying to compute the fact that I was wearing jeans and a tshirt, yet knew where the Audio Stations were. So afterwards, a little after 5, I found myself walking to Barnes & Nobles. Which is where I totally screw up in the time management category. But no matter. Validated my sanity with Someone (I wasn't making up the "drowning in kerosene" line). It's all good. Bought another Nicholas Spark book, Message in a Bottle. Eventually, we found ourselves making our way to the bus stop. Which is how I started home. That was normal enough. Until I get dropped off at Southern and Harford. I open the back door, step out, and get soaked. Fun.

I look down at my feet, and all I see are mini-rivers forming. The light is still red, so I cross the street, and step in a puddle up to mid-shin at the opposite curb. Still going strong though. I continue walking up Southern, head down. Then I realize something. This is good rain. With that thought, everything changes. No longer am I some blithering girl walking through the pouring rain, soaked to the skin, with jeans that are becoming all the more heavier, but rather a girl that is completely enjoying the moment. The heavy droplets, sky peeking through the trees lining the streets, even the muddying streams of water running over my flip-flop clad feet. It's enjoyable. Not since there was the rain at Allie's birthday last year have I enjoyed rain so much. And now, even more so, if only because I am walking, alone with my thoughts. People, standing on their porches, look at me like I am nuts. And perhaps I am. But I am glad I refused mum's offer of an umbrella earlier. I suppose it is all in how you look at a day. If I had never volunteered, never missed dad's pickup, never missed that other #19 bus, I would have missed today. And the glorious rainfall.

Grr... I don't work until

Grr... I don't work until Thursday..some catered event thing..(is that the Art auction?)..blah..have nothing to do...*twiddles thumbs and hums to self* Perhaps I will volunteer on Wednesday.

And I miss my Kat. Haven't seen her since the end of June. We still must get together to celebrate a certain *ahem*birthday*ahem*cough, cough.* I love you girl. Thanks for the chat last night. I know it might not have seemed much to you, but occasionally I do need a whack to my head to get my attention about certain events. I'm trying. You know that. and no, you weren't all preachy and in my face. You were absolutely right. Just what do I do about it without killing myself? I don't want to, no matter what. And my brain keeps trying to excuse it, and reason my way out through the loopholes, and oh, they come so easily. But it's so very frustrating and confusing. Life is too hard sometimes.

Ohhh... can I show this Brooke? Okay, so I'm posting it anyway.. ;-P

Hehe...monkeys!!

..::Little Boys with Swords::.. Mood:

..::Little Boys with Swords::..

Mood: awake...I think my problem this past week is that I've simply had a lack of sugar...Skittles are a life saver
Song: "Epiphany" by Staind

So I speak to you in riddles because
My words get in my way

I'll add more if I feel like it..I will eventually add the other 30....