distinctly.elan

Midnight Ramblings DaYdReAmEr: ugh I

Midnight Ramblings

DaYdReAmEr: ugh I got authoritarian on that poltical quiz thing
BringMeToLife04: haha, you monarchist prig
DaYdReAmEr: lol....maybe there is a sub conscience reason my TOD name is Emperor

Yay!! The ice rink is

Yay!!

The ice rink is opening up this year.. on December 12th. It's not the normal Federal Hill one, this time it's at the corner of Thames, S.Caroline and Block Streets in Fells Point. Just about close enough to walk to from the ship, only a bit over a mile. I'm happy, this added to my great night. And admission and skate rental is only $7 or 8. Guess I won't have to go up to Bel Air after all. :-D

And on December 4th, this Thursday, the Walters is having their Christmas Party - free admission too. I haven't been there in years. Wee.

Ooo. I just got shocked

Ooo. I just got shocked from the plug by the computer.. Just a little tingly.

"Christmas Song" by The Chipmunks

Finally getting into the Christmas spirit.. yeah, I get it along with the malls. Me and my wacko mentality keeps saying "if I don't wear a coat, it's not cold enough to be Christmastime/winter," so guess who went without a coat? Until today.

And now the ship's all decorated in greenery and holly and golden lights. Harborplace is playing carols through the speakers while I have my lunch break, and Santa's out in his house. That and I've started on my Christmas shopping. Two down, a zillion more to go. And I still don't know what to get some of my amigos. I've spent the past couple hours searching for a certain something, but I can't find anything like what I want for this person. Argh. As for what I want, a car would be nice. (Yes, Kat, I know I got a car for my 16th birthday). Nah. There's a couple things that have pricked my interest. Oy. Hey, if any of you want something special, leave me some hints.

So I've reconciled with the cold weather. As long as I can go ice-skating at least a couple times this winter, and there isn't a blizzard, I'll be happy.

Water The Force of Nature

Water


The Force of Nature Quiz
brought to you by Quizilla

"Mona Lisas and Mad Hatters"

"Mona Lisas and Mad Hatters" by Elton John

The Ideal(!) Thanksgiving - Jenga, Waffles, and a Lack of Turkey

Today wasn't a complete bore. There was an aquaintance of mine at the friend of the family's house, and though she was a couple years younger, we played only a couple dozen games of Connect 4 and Jenga. Yeah. Then after dinner, which I ate waay too much of, (I didn't even eat any turkey!) we napped on the couch until a couple hours later when the football game ended and we left. I like a normal boring Thanksgiving dinner at home better.

After we left, we went on to visit my Great Grandmother NawNaw, and Great Aunt Anna. NawNaw was moved to a nursing home two years ago, and I haven't seen her much since then. Not nearly as much as used to. Growing up, Mum and I would visit NawNaw and Anna once a month, and whenever we visited them, they would have the most wonderful Italian cookies baking for us - waffle cookies, tarts, egg cookies - they were the best. Mum would talk with them, and I'd read or watch television, listening to their Dundalk brogue with a hint of Italian accent. Once we left, NawNaw would admire how tall I had gotten (I passed her height when I was 10. That's when I started believing as people got older, they shrunk.) and she would give us baggies of the freshly baked cookies. I'd eat most of the waffle cookies by the time we got home, and enjoyed some of the tarts, munching around the jelly centers, then finally eating the last flavored bite as the sugar melted in my mouth. At Christmas time, she'd add our gift of an angel knickknack or doll to her collection, then show us the hundreds of angel memorabilia. One of the Christmas decorations I remember most was her ceramic tree, a 2" tall painted evergreen with tiny colored glass bulbs that glowed and twinkled during our visit.

And now she's in a nursing home. My NawNaw. She can't make those delicious cookies from her home country anymore, much less remember the directions passed down to her from her mother. She barely recognized me when I stood by her bed. But even though her bones are fragile, her skin of the softest silk, her hair white and glossy, eyes weathered and tired, she's still one of the most beautiful women I know.

She has very little time left. Our family is one of the few that remember to visit her. To see her try to smile and kiss us goodbye felt so strange, as if she wasn't the NawNaw I had known all my life, but rather another being that had replaced her. And although there has been tension in our extended family as long as I can remember, she is one lady I admire, more so for her stubborness and strength than anything else. NawNaw and her cookies are part of my heritage, and perhaps a bit of her hard-headedness is running through my veins.

Perhaps.

Grr.. when I say I

Grr.. when I say I wanna go out and attempt at making plans, it really sucks when you act uninterested even though you're complaining about having nothing to do the next moment.

In other words, tomorrow is still empty.

Happy Turkey Day everyone! Let

Happy Turkey Day everyone!

Let us remember that, as much as has been given us, much will be expected from us, and that true homage comes from the heart as well as from the lips and shows itself in deeds.
~ Theodore Roosevelt, Thanksgiving Proclamation, 1901

Some dude totally got, like,

Some dude totally got, like, whomped by a bus today!

Sorry. I suppose it's really awful when one's girlfriend posts something like this.. but I couldn't keep it quiet.

*Names have been changed to protect the innocent.

You know what sucks....? Finding

You know what sucks....?

Finding out that Blockbuster is out of Bruce Almighty on VHS and DVD....

Realizing Blockbuster doesn't always have a guarentee of "New Releases in stock or get it free!"....

Going to Hollywood Video and seeing three copies of Bruce Almighty on the shelves....

Deciding on Gods and Generals DVD and getting all psyched up to see it....

Finding out there's a scratch on the DVD so it stops after the first scene....

Watching no movies....

Yeah. See, it all goes downhill after I leave Allie's.

And for the final blow, I'm stuck over Jacob's friends' house all Thanksgiving day. Torture from 1pm till 8. Yeah.. weee.

You are: CATWOMAN! Which Batman

You are: CATWOMAN!


Which Batman Villain Are You?
brought to you by Quizilla

The Perfect Man The perfect

The Perfect Man

The perfect man is gentle
Never cruel or mean
He has a beautiful smile
And keeps his face so clean.
The perfect man likes children
And will raise them by your side
He will be a good father
As well as a good husband to his bride.
The perfect man loves cooking
Cleaning and vacuuming too
He'll do anything in his power
To convey his feelings of love on to you.
The perfect man is sweet
Writing poetry from your name
He's a best friend to your mother
And kisses away your pain.
He never has made you cry
Or hurt you in any way
To hell with this endless poem
The perfect man is GAY.

Sorry. I laughed way too hard at this.

A Much-Needed Girls' Night In

A Much-Needed Girls' Night

In the midst of doing dishes, Allie phones me out of my reverie and dazedness. She picked me up, and we drove off to TowsonsTowne and attempted at Santa shopping, but alas, all we did was eat out (no Pablo! *sniff*) and go by Blockbuster. Nick took us for a test drive in his new SUV, and we went out for milkshakes. Then Dacey arrived, and al in the spirit of a Girls' Night, we rented Legally Blonde and Bend It Like Beckham. Dacey nor I had seen them, so we had to indulge. LB was pretty good, t'was funny, but whereas Ms Elle Woods immediately joined a law firm after graduating, it rarely happens that way. (why I abandoned my hope of becoming a lawyer, it's mucho paperwork and legalities, and although the exileration of winning a case would be worth it, I'd rather not.) BILB was spent more as a discussion of whether it was set in England or India, with the acual movie more as a backdrop to our giggles and debating. By midnight, Allie and Dacey were ready to turn in, I was still quite awake, but they had school in the morn. (only a half day, I don't see why they bother.) Sigh, we all must bow to the great Baltimore School Board System in the end.

Which reminds me, I must apply to Towson immediately.

And this past night changes some of my opinions and feelings again on leaving Baltimore for college. I think I shall just go to TU next year, if I have the money I can always transfer somewhere else. And for rooming? I'll get a dorm at TU. It doesn't seem to make much sense that I'll be living only 20 minutes from the 'rents, but it's only for my sanity. When Allie picked me up from the house earlier, it was so refreshing to see her there. I was having a horrible afternoon, and she just jumps in with her cheerfulness and lightheartedness. I can't leave that. I trust her with most everything, she has the ability to just listen to my problems, and even though she may not have the answers or advice, it's just that. She listens. So blessed to have her.

Why do you have a famous philosopher on your butt?
Are you trying to keep your hand hair from growing too thick?
Our future resturante - "Anywhere That's Open"
Uh oh, BaBaJe, he forgot to tuck in his diaper again.
There's a reason why Sporty Spice never had a fella.
She's a pushkin. - Allie on my elf ears.

I just found out Jason

I just found out Jason Mraz is going to be at the 9:30Club tonight.. arghhh. I want tickets!!

"Weak and Powerless" by A

"Weak and Powerless" by A Perfect Circle

And this comes out now?!

I remember Benjamin (a childhood friend, I'd give anything to see him again.) getting one of these for his birthday, and we played with it for maybe twenty minutes before giving up on trying to get it off the ground. And yea, we were smacked in the heads a couple times from the propeller when the toy flew off its pedastel (sp?).

Ahh, and Tiffy's nunchukus. We used to play Teenage Mutant Turtles all the time. I had a playhouse daddy built for me, so I would be the girl, and Tiffy and Benjamin would "rescue" me. Yeah, I've always been the damsel in distress.

They're on the Top 10 list of Worst Toys.. haha. I could add some more if they wanted.

"Piece of My Heart" by

"Piece of My Heart" by Janis Joplin

I don't want to go to bed. I'm not tired. I know when I wake up tomorrow I'll have a long day with very little to do. I know that I won't get any real snail mail. I won't even get any interesting email. I won't get any comments asking if I want to spend my day with the commentor. I won't get any phone calls either. Just because. People are like that.

People are hypocrites.

I was just looking back on a couple other journals I kept years ago. I was happy, really hunky-dory happy then, I was so young then. And my woes were a lot less than they are now. I thought that if someone had a significant other they wouldn't ever feel bad. If they felt unpretty, they'd know there was Someone Else who felt the opposite about them. I thought they'd just always be happy. I almost wish things were like when I was younger. Stuff was just so much simpler then. I didn't trip over every obstacle in my way like I do now. And there were periods in my life I felt absolutely awful, like I was at rock-bottom. But I don't think I've hit rock-bottom yet. I hae a long way to go. I'm just grabbing handfuls of dirt as I try to get a hold of the dirt wall I'm falling past.

I hate feeling this way.

I hate feeling this way. I feel so raw and cold... I feel like there's not really anyone I can talk to openly. I'm not a phone talker, I need to see people face to face to really open up. I don't even want to share anything here, but this is the only place I know people will see my feelings, even a glimpse. Perhaps then they'll meet me for coffee, and I can really talk. I just need someone to understand. I don't even know how I feel; I'm not sure why I feel it, i just know I've been bottling things up so much.. I just need someone to listen. This is my way of reaching out. I'm not going to call someone for help. I can't do that.

I just feel so incredibly alone.

And please don't leave me a hunky-dory get happy message. I'll delete it. I just want to feel human comfort right now; I simply want someone to listen, even if I have nothing to say.

You're not the boss of

You're not the boss of me!

My political bent seems to be right-Centrist, or so the people at TheAdvocates.org say in their quiz. I thought I was more Libertarian, but Centrist does carry some of the Libertarian ideas, it just isn't anarchy. I wonder if Mr. Gastanaga realized he wasn't a true Libertarian either when I campaigned for him last year.

Centrist
Centrists favor selective government intervention and emphasize practical solutions to current problems. They tend to keep an open mind on new issues. Many centrists feel that government serves as a check on excessive liberty.

Your Personal Self-Government Score is 50%.
Your Economic Self-Government Score is 70%.

Song: "Man of Constant Sorrow"

Song: "Man of Constant Sorrow" by the Soggy Bottom Boys (OBWAT? Soundtrack)

I wish I was working today..just doing something. If I don't have anything to do all day (well, until tonight) I end up sleeping my morning away , then dragging around the house doing very little, aside from house-cleaning. Mum becomes a cleaning nazi especially during Thanksgiving week, and the irony to me is that our house is generally clean; it looks lived-in. She'll go over to a relatives house, and notice their spotless white carpeting, sterile furniture, and say "why can't our house be this clean?" But the houses just never look comfortable to me; they feel like a hotel. And she doesn't understand that. But back to my original rant: we aren't even spending Thanksgiving at home this year. A friend of mum's invited us over her house for the day, and I'd be okay with that, except the lady has three sons, ages 17, 14, and 12. I've known these kids for about ten years, and although Jacob's grat friends with them, I cannot stand them. And another family is visiting the same day, and they have a 18 year old son. He too, grates on my nerves like nothing else. So it will be torture the entire day, and to persuade the 'rents from causing me undue pain and suffering, I've been a perfect angel the past two days - no complaining, chores done quickly, and extra cleaning. Hopefuully my Thanksgiving will be for a peaceful night of Domino's pizza and old movies, all alone in our house. Well, I will have the puppies. *crosses fingers*

Whoa, feeling extremely dizzy.. I'm

Whoa, feeling extremely dizzy.. I'm going to bed. I think we'll be doing something on friday, bowling probably and perhaps a movie or "malling" ;-) Leave a note if you want to join us or would lovingly offer your chauffering services... pweese?

You know what sucks? Mabe and Kat both have their driving permits.. and they're more than two years younger than me!!

I predicted (correctly yet again) that they'd be driving before me..Argh.. I hate being right.
Wait. I did NOT just say that.

Only 3 months even left

Only 3 months even left from now!!

Nothing really to write about..

Nothing really to write about.. except perhaps the fact that I know what I'm going to get for two people on my list.. that makes me happy.

And my reaccurring dream.

I've had reaccurring dreams about falling, but this one is different; it's in detail. I've dreapmt it the past three nights, and it's scared the heck out of me. I'm at home, and there's a tornado/hurricane (I don't know what, there's just an incredible amount of wind) watch going on, and these 2 neighborhood girls keep coming over our house. They're only 6 and 12, but they're parents are out of town and left them alone, so they keep coming over the house, but mum keeps shooing them away, saying the wind is too strong for them to be out on the streets. Then I find myself followng them to the bus, they get on, and so I follow them, but the wind is so very strong it whips the side doors off the bus, and several people fall out of the bus and are carried off. Then the 12 year old gives me two black jewelry boxes the size of playing card boxes, and asks me to watch over them. As soon as she does this, the wind pulls the back panel off the bus, and the girls disappear. I then find myself at home again, looking for the two boxes, only to find they're in a desk outside on our porch.

I normally don't put any stock in dreams, but this one is just weird. Add that to the fact that I know these girls pretty well, Jacob's friends with them, and I've babysat them several times. My mind has probably added in the tornado watch that was on Wednesday, but it gives me the creeps, even so.

Anyone have any ideas on the meaning, if there is one?

Thieved from Trishie Name four

Thieved from Trishie

Name four things you wished you had:
- more money
- my license
- my Dec.6th SAT results
- a free ride for Washington College :-D

Name four smells you love:
- baking cookies
- ocean spray
- coffee
- Sweet Pea

Name four things you are thinking about:
- Allie (wait - she's not a thing)
- getting something sweet to eat
- Christmas gifts for everyone... weee I'm excited
- college..does this never end??

Name four things you did today:
- Took a shower
- worked
- called Allie (ha! I broke my 3 week record! darn. I don't call you. You call me.)
- ermm.. ate

Appearance:
- hair: brown.. I think
- height: 5’4" ish
- weight: :-X
- favorite feature: my eyes

Last thing you:
- Did: ate
- Read: about monobrows..seriously!
- Watched on tv: Jacob's "Skateboarding Trick Video"

Who do you want to:
- Kill: I don't want to KILL anyone..but I'd like to beat a few people..
- Hear from: a bunch of people.. let's just say everyone
- Look like: a girl at the bookstore in Kenilworth said I look like the singer of Cat Power.. but I don't really want to look like anyone else
- Be like: I like myself

Last time:
- Last song you heard: Addicted
- Last movie you saw: Dude, Where's My Car? (ha! Chinese Foooood...and then..okay)
- Last movie you saw on the big screen: Master & Commander (awesome awesome movie..must see it! And, no the Constellation is NOT based on the movie...Tourons..)
- Last thing you had to drink: Mango smoothie
- Last thing you ate: ham and mashed potatoes and green beans and biscuits..yum
- Last time you cried: ermm. Thursday night
- Last time you smiled: a few minutes ago
- Last time you laughed: too long ago.. a couple hours ago
- Last time you danced: waaay too long ago. Ring Dance at BCCHS, that was last November
- Last person you hugged: Puppy
- Last thing you said: "Okay"
- Last person you talked to online: :-X
- Last thing you smelled: baking biscuits
- Last car ride: 3 hours ago, drving home from work
- Last library book checked out: The Scarlet Thread
- Last book read: Frankenstein by Mary Shelley (second time is better!)
- Last phone call: a couple hours ago with Allie
- Last time showered: this morning
- Last shoes worn: boots
- Last cd played: Simple Plan
- Last item bought: Chinese Foood ;-)
- Last downloaded: "Daddy's Little Defect" by Sugarcult
- Last annoyance: need I say his name?
- Last disappointment: no Santa shopping tonight :-(
- Last thing written: on paper? a letter

Do you:
- Smoke: no
- Do drugs: no
- Sleep with a stuffie: there's PurpleBear and Sylvia on my bed, I'm such a dork..but can't part..and Sylvia goes on all my trips with me
- Have a recurring dream: the past couple nights..argh.. it's strange
- Believe there is life on other planets: perhaps.. I'm not sure
- Read the newspaper: sometimes
- Have any gay or lesbian friends: yep
- Believe in miracles: yes
- Believe in astrology: not really
- Have any secrets: well of course
- Have any pets: my puppies.. all three of them :-D and they're all masochists.. scary
- Have any piercings: one in each ear. soon to change
- Hate yourself: at times
- Wish on stars: yes
- Like your handwriting: sometimes
- Take walks in the rain: not as often as I would like
- Kiss with your eyes closed: most of the time
- Sing in the shower: sometimes

lizzybear: just make sure you

lizzybear: just make sure you don't get married and move off to france to sell canadian umbrellas to pink spanish speaking frenchmen

“A Birthday” By Christina Rossetti

“A Birthday”
By Christina Rossetti

My heart is like a singing bird
Whose nest is in a water'd shoot;
My heart is like an apple-tree
Whose boughs are bent with thickset fruit;
My heart is like a rainbow shell
That paddles in a halcyon sea;
My heart is gladder than all these
Because my love is come to me.

Raise me a dais of silk and down;
Hang it with vair and purple dyes;
Carve it in doves and pomegranates,
And peacocks with a hundred eyes;
Work it in gold and silver grapes,
In leaves and silver fleurs-de-lys;
Because the birthday of my life
Is come, my love is come to me.

Nasty.. A Halloween lollipop that

Nasty.. A Halloween lollipop that tastes exactly like cherry cough syrup. :cough:cough:

I think I'll stick it

I think I'll stick it out using my LiveJournal instead. There's more privacy there. I'll still add junk here, but not as often. I don't know. If you want the LJ link, email me at everythinguarent@aol.com

96 more days.. at least

96 more days.. at least I've passed the 100 mark... wee.

No. Cannot.wait.to.get.out. Arghh. How about I've lost all privacy whatsoever? I can't go to a single website without mum getting her "guardian report" from AOL? What the duck!? It's not like I've done anything to deserve this, only a few weeks ago mum and dad finally admitted that I was a good daughter, I hadn't ever really done anything incredibly wrong to lose their trust. And i don't think I have.. at least I haven't gone out of my way to lose their trust. I wish.. some times I wish I could look back and say, " Oh, that's what iI did wrong, that's why everything is the way it is, why they rarely trust me with anything," but I can't It's been 17 years of trying to regain their trust after losing it over something I cannot remember. That has to be one of the worst feelings in the world.. knowing you have to try and climp this glass mountain, and having nothing to hold onto, then suddenly losing all the progress you've made when the rope disappears.

And somehow Internet Explorer isn't responding.. I can type in a site i wish to visit, but I wait five minutes, and all I see is a blank page with a little "done" sign in the bottom right corner. Anyone have any suggestions on what to do?

I hate it, I hate it, I hate it!!

Not in a very good mood. *Curls up on her bed*

In a state of denial..

In a state of denial..

I missed a word... Baltimoron accent is slipping through.. my fake non-accent is failing me.. argh.

How do you say math? Apparently my City twang has destroyed my pronounciation of the word; I say "maaith", while everyone I interviewed pronounced it "mahth".

I am not a Baltimoron. I am not a Baltimoron. I am not a Baltimoron. I am not a Baltimoron. I am not a Baltimoron. I am not a Baltimoron. I am not a Baltimoron. I am not a Baltimoron.

I give up.

a happy entry? ha! Song:

a happy entry? ha!

Song: "Stay" by Lisa Loeb and Nine Stories

Like I said, I stole a couple things from the Seriously, Random blog. And I've posted More about Me lists here before, so it's her redo.

More About Men

B A S i C * Q U E S T i O N S * A B O U T * H I M
[ name ] - One rule. I will never date a guy named Jeremy. Sorry. Too many irritants attached to that name.
[ nicknames ] - Sure, I'll give him a nickname.
[ all i need is ] - intelligence, comfort, values, kindness..the list goes on and on, but I'll spare you
[ the men i've loved ] - Need I say it? It's rather obvious
[ if i could see one man right now ] - Puppy. If not him, then Sean.
[ i'm afraid of ] - being deceived
[ i dream about ] - are you really gonna go there?

W i T H * M E N . . .
[ what do you notice first? ] - this one is too common. Hands, eyes, smile. And voice. A voice can make or break an impression. An accent is extra points.
[ last man you danced with ] - Hm. I haven't danced in soo long. Daniel from my old HS at last year's Ring Dance. (and he was gay. Pathetic, no? But he was a sweetie. And a good dancer.)
[ what bothers you? ] - lack of confidence

W H i C H * M A N . . .
[ makes you laugh the most? ] - Mm. Puppy, Sean, Shroeder.
[ makes you smile ] - Puppy.
[ gives you a special feeling when you see him ] - hmm. I wonder?
[ has a crush on you ] - At the moment, several. (go figure, I'm dating someone now, and now I get all the attention?!)
[ do you have a crush on] - Who else?
[ easier to talk to: men or boys? ] - It really depends. There's some "men" (over 20 yrs old) that are uber annoying to talk to for long, but so are some boys, so yeah.

W H O * W A S * T H E * L A S T * M A N . . .
[ you talked to ] - Puppy
[ you hugged ] - Puppy
[ you instant messaged ] - getting repetitive
[ you laughed with ] - ...

M O R E * Q U E S T i O N S * A B O U T * M E N . . .
[ i want ] - openess (which is a killer right now.) thoughtfulness (all about the little things), honesty, laughter, time
[ i love ] - random discussions about nothing, compliments, surprises
[ i miss ] - (about being single?) Then.. having more free time (not that it's so much a bad thing now), not having to worry or think about anyone else, not wondering how a comment is going to be taken (although I suppose that does happen when I was single.. yeah)
[ i fear ] - men that are tooo clingy, or don't put any effort into a relationship
[ i hear ] - honestness, thoughts, compliments
[ i wonder ] - how this winter will work out

S E V E N * T H I N G S * I * L O V E * T O * D O * W i T H * M E N
- laugh so hard I cry
- sit in comfortable silence
- cuddle
- have long converstations about everything and anything
- :-)
- play fight
- be able to carry on friendships without worrying about taking anything further

S E V E N * T H i N G S * T H A T * A N N O Y * M E * A B O U T * M E N
- when they disrepect other women
- no values
- insecurity
- when men ignore questions in hopes you'll forget you asked
- when they "forget"
- stupidity
- weird "habits" (*wink* for Allie)

O N E * P E R S O N * Y O U * C O U L D * S P E N D * Y O U R* L i F E * W i T H * F O R E V E R
- I really don't know, I don't want to plan my future out too soon. I know there's some people that even if our relationship doesn't last, I want to be friends with all my life

W H E N * W A S * T H E * L A S T * T i M E * I . . . A T * A * M A N
Smiled :: this afternoon
Frowned :: yesterday evening
Laughed :: tonight
Got Mad :: yesterday
Cried because of :: tonight
Were in love with :: tonight
Got confused about :: always
Played a devilish prank on :: oh gosh...
Fell asleep on :: a couple weeks ago
Were kissed by :: not recently enough
Had sex with :: you wish
Got drunk with :: not in this lifetime
Got high with :: huh? ... never of course!
Got in a fight with :: a couple weeks ago
Talked on the phone to :: uh....
Lied to :: it's been an eternity

A N 0 T H E R * 0 N E * A B O U T * M E N * I * L i K E
[ piercings ] - ears are okay
[ be serious or be funny ] - both
[ coke or pepsi ] - coke, because he's sharing
[ rum or vodka ] - ?
[ whole or skim milk ] - either as long as he's not lactose intolerant
[ single or taken ] - taken, because I have him
[ simple or complicated ] - a balance, not too many skeletons in his closet
[ law or anarchy ] - a Libertarian
[ read or write ] - read, so he can have a love of poetry, and write, so I get letters
[ sunrise or sunset ] - I'd like to enjoy both with him, preferably "downey oshin"
[ rap or rock ] - I want to enjoy all music with him, but rap/hip hop is a major dislike
[ stay up late or wake up late ] - stay up late & wake up early
[ tv or radio ] - cute enough to be on tv, sexy-voiced enough to be on radio ;-)
[ is it pop or soda ] - I've never heard anyone actually call it "pop" aloud
[ x or o in tic-tac-toe ] - x (b/c I'm always o)
[ eat an apple or an orange ] - orange, he'll be able to share, and there will be enough apples for him to make me an apple pie
[ hot or cold ] - warm enough to cuddle with
[ dead or alive ] - alive
[ tall members of the opposite sex or short ] - taller (5'6" - 6') but not to tall because standing on one's tippytoes can get very annoying
[ sun or moon ] - the sun to my moon
[ emerald or ruby ] - oooo emeralds
[ left or right ] - doesn't matter
[ vanilla or chocolate ice cream ] - chocolate
[ high or drunk ] - neither
[ low fat or fat free ] - low fat
[ his biggest fear in the world ] - losing me
[ kids or no kids ] - no kids, oy
[ cat or dog ] - both
[ half empty or half full ] - should look at life as being half full
[ mustard or ketchup ] - mustard, he needs to be a bit spicy/saucy
[ sandals or sneakers ] - sandals, it depends on the guy though, sneakers are generally good
[ happy and poor or sad and rich ] - happy and poor, but not so poor that he can't take me out
[ singing or dancing ] - dancing ... so he can teach me
[ smart or dumb ] - smarter than me in areas, though I want to share my smarts wth him, so he should be savvy in some areas but not all
[ hugging or kissing ] - hugging
[ corduroy or plaid ] - cords
[ private or public affection ] - mostly private ... a little public
[ happy or sad ] - happy
[ thug or nerd ] - haha that's ridiculous.. neither
[ nice or mean ] - kind, but strong - not a pushover
[ own or rent ] - either, but owning is more secure
[ blue or white collar ] - mmm.. would depend on the career and if he enjoys it
[ spend or save ] - save, but be able to splurge when needed
[ car or truck ] - truck.. I get the car
[ romance or finance ] - romance
[ skinny or muscular ] - toned.. but i don't like 'em too built, nor too skinny.. just slim and strong is good
[ a year-long romance or a lifetime of friendship ] - I'd have to say friendship... I want to be able to stay friends with the guy if I break up with him, if he's worth it

Song: "Suffocate" by Cold Your

Song: "Suffocate" by Cold

Your soul is bound to the Yellow Rose: The
Gentle.

"I've travelled through the land of
surrender and seen it all. I throw my heart
out and keep my head up, and now I travel
through the land of peace."

The Yellow Rose is associated with friendship,
intuition, and fun. It is governed by the
goddess Hestia and its sign is The Intertwined
Rings, or True Friendship.

As a Yellow Rose, you always look out for your
friends. You would much rather have strong
ties with friends than a single tie with a
lover and your devotion to your friends is
clear. You may have great intuition and be
able to read emotions clearly, but sometimes
you can seem distant yourself.


What Rose Is Your Soul Bound To?
brought to you by Quizilla

ERmm.. I hope I'm doing a pretty good job juggling friends and relationships right now. The past couple months I've gotten to know a couple more guy friends better, but I honestly couldn't ever see myself with any of them. I'm happy that way; it's uncomplicated. With some people, I can read their emotions, but I'm learning. There's a degree to which I will be open and honest, and up until that point, I'm very trusting and honest. But once someone gets to that wall, it takes a long time to come down, and easily goes back up.

The Class of '04 meeting last night wasn't as bad as I thought it would be. Holly was there, and I haven't seen her it 5 or 6 years, and "Will Strong" was there, so I did know a couple of people.

School is almost almost finished; I'll be done English Lit this week. (yay for only 4 more lessons and a final left!) Then it's on to a math course (t'will be nothing, it's consumer math) and some kind of creative writing. They'll be uber easy, and then I finally get my diploma. Wee.

The only thing left to stress me out is college applications. Towson's deadline is by the end of this semester, and I need to get my transcript still from Balto. City College HS. I still haven't received my report card, much less a guidence counselor's recommendation. I'm so frsutrated by all this crap that BCCHS is giving me, and it's making me fall behind in what I need to do for applicatons.

On Monday, there's a College Fair at the Convention Center from 9a-1pm, so I'll stop by there, and hopefully get some advice. If nothing more, I can schedule some interviews. And after, Allie's picking me up for a girls' night! Yay.

So I've decided (no, it's not quite final) to take off next semester. I was going to get some basic credits at BCCC, but I think I may just wait until the fall to do that. 1) it'll give me much more time to work and save money for college and a car, 2) I can relax some, and 3) I'll be working at the same speed as my friends my age. It's the money thing that's my biggest advantage to taking an interim semester; if I can get another job and get 40 hours a week, I can save the majority of that, and be able to pay for tuition without resorting to loans.

Two other notes of some interest:
What's up with the skating rink by Federal Hill? Apparently they aren't opening it this year because of "aging equipment." That's one of the starting points for my holiday season. Arggh. Suppose I'll be sticking it out in Bel Air's ice rink.

And on the Baltimore Office of Promotions and the Arts site, they say that kids can "try on uniforms " in the the Powder Monkey Tours. Since when? Odd.

Speaking of uniforms, we got our winter uniforms. Namely, we now have the blue cover and a blue shirt. But, very smart-looking and very cool.

I desperately need a girls'

I desperately need a girls' night out. Arghh. Stupid Class of '04 meeting for me tonight, so no Zone. I can't even see SeanShine tonight *wink* But the meeting is the last thing I want to do tonight.

November is going way too fast, I still need to get my Christmas shopping done, argh. At least I have a couple ideas for gifts.

And I still need something to do Thanksgiving week. Anyone up for bowling, skating?

I have found, that the

I have found, that the most important things in life are the most simplistic, and seemingly trivial events.

Before I lose you, the past week or so has been tough. I'm letting go, realizing that the harder I try to keep things together, the more they pull apart. His heart is with the sea. Always will be. And I cannot do anything to change that. If he doesn't go now, he will eventually leave, and until he does, he won't be satisfied on land.

So now I have to get my mind on other things, even the little insignificant things, to enjoy this year, this week, today.

In other words, I need to return to why I loved doing whatever I'm doing, be it my job, friends, the weather, et cetera.
Like with my job, I love seeing the smiles on little kids' faces (even if they are screaming "bell! bell!" and start ringing the bell maniacally), people that are interested in what I have to tell them,
working in the outdoors, being part of re-living history, that wonderfully antique-y smell the ship has, and the ability to be able to teach people about our heritage.

It's those little moments that make the difference between a bad and good day. Perhaps the outlook, too.

Song: "The Lucky One" by

Song: "The Lucky One" by Alison Krauss

Life's not easy, judging by the amount of people that come out of it alive.
A comment from Mike.

I found a word I like..
Two words, actually.

Flamboyant - adj. - Given to ostentatious or audacious display.

I shall forever think of Brooke when I hear this word.
Brooke: am i a drama queen?
Me: mm.. Occasionally
Brooke: PK said to my mom, "now this one" (referring to me) "she's a drama queen. I love her, she's crazy" haha!!! I was like woah that's funny!!!
Me: haha, he's right
Brooke: hahahahahahha!
Me: you just are very outgoing and flamboyant
Brooke: woaahhh big words!!!

Yep, that's my sis. She's a very happy person, sometimes "loud," but all in a good way. Flamboyant is a good word for her ;-). And it reminds me of plastic pink flamingos.

Ethereal - adj. - Highly refined; delicate. Not of this world.

Now this word, I just imagine faeries. Or elves. A being with wispy material for clothing, very angelic like; just flowing. Will soo use these words whenever I can.

I really really need something to do for the week of Thanksgiving. Anyone up for a visit to the Washington DC Zoo?

That's what a ship is, you know. Not just a keel, and a hull, and a deck and the sails; that's what the ship needs. But what a ship is...what the Black Pearl really is, is freedom.-Captain Jack Sparrow

Guess who's going to see

Guess who's going to see Pirates of the Caribbean tomorrow night? weeee.

Allie, I promised you months ago he would take me to see it. Yes, even before we were together. Guess who made another prediction correctly.... wooo hoo!

In a better, happier mood. Yes, I'll write much more tomorrow.

I give up; I can't

I give up; I can't even write an entry today. As much as I want to; as much as I need to, I can't.

Sometimes I wish I knew before what I was getting into. Would I trade it all? And go back to the way things were before this summer?

.::Happy Shiny People::. "Hold On"

.::Happy Shiny People::.

"Hold On" by Sarah McLachlan
and oh God,
the man I love is leaving...
hold on,
hold on to yourself
for this is gonna hurt like hell

src="http://images.quizilla.com/C/cleric09/1057336891_41_5979096.gif" border="0" alt="katana">
You are a katana! You are sharp, fast, and easy to
control. sometimes you are too short but you
make up for it with your grace and elegance.


What kind of sword are you?
brought to you by Quizilla

I'm easy to control? Since when?

Elvish


To which race of Middle Earth do you belong?
brought to you by Quizilla

My emotions have been in a jumble this week. On Monday, Puppy was hit by a bus, and I didn't find out until late that night. It's a miracle he walked away from it all, but still the entire story threw me a curve ball. Then everything sort of snowballed from there. Puppy seemed just . . . distant the past couple of weeks. There was a silence that wasn't supposed to be there. I really don't know how to describe. Perhaps it was me, too, that was distancing myself. I'm afraid. I still am terrified of getting hurt. And something deep down says he wouldn't intentionally hurt me. I know he didn't try to this week. But still, the separateness hurt.

I shouldv'e believed M when she said he'd never hurt me.

Then a couple days ago, I found out he wants to get a job aboard the Hawaiian Chieftain, some boat going to California. The details mattered little to me, all that really sunk in was that he's leaving for four months. A terribly long time. So since he told me, the days have just passed extraordinarily slow. I feel like I'm walking through a haze, just doing what needs to be done. That added to my exaustion, even though I've had enough sleep, has just screwed me up. I feel like a mess.

I understand why he wants to work there. And I'm happy for him, that he can do something he loves. But I'm so friggin' selfish. It's just not fair. There's a lot of hopes and dreams I had planned for this winter season, and the next couple of events coming up, but he's not going to be there. I'm just being a brat.

The past two weeks have just been torture for me. I usually don't worry; I really don't. My mind just wonders.

So tonight I've finally had a much-needed date with Puppy. After work, we went over to TexMex, and he tried calimari. Yummy. We hung out and just talked. That's what I love about him. When he does open up, he shares everything. And he's always there to listen to my babbling. When he smiles, it's genuine. God, I'm going to miss him.

It's linky time! http://www.BirthdayAlarm.com/dob/6795467a3457451b844 Who

It's linky time!
http://www.BirthdayAlarm.com/dob/6795467a3457451b844

Who knew? I'm gonna sound so racist here, but I found a Blog written by a black girl that's actually interesting. I'm not saying all white people Blogs are interesting, they aren't but she's just fascinating, and funny to read. But anywho, it's called Seriously, Random, and I've stolen a couple tests and links from her.

Like Googlism. Some of Who Google Thinks I am:

elan is packaged in an elegant hexagonal box
elan is available with a complete range of ancillary fixtures and fittings
elan is not your typical hair shampoo and conditioner
elan is now celebrating a year round renaissance faire
elan is for you
elan is a manageable package when folded up
elan is a wonderful stroller
elan is not necessarily a good car but it is a great car
elan is a personable individual who shows good attention and task orientation for very short periods of time
elan is the granddaughter of the wizard charilus
elan is now valued at over $18 billion
elan is a dimension full of wonders and magic
elan is ready to sell three of its leading drugs in an effort to raise $1
elan is here to guide us through the new millennia

Also, I added a link to the sidebar, so clicky and leave your birthday there, I want to remember all mis amigos birthdays this year ;-)

Mm. There was more I wanted to say. Don't really feel like writing much tonight.

Oo. Besides the possibility of a job at Seaport Taxi, I may get a job at The Body Shop. They're hiring part-time cashiers, and have a 40% discount. How cool is that?!

And I'm seriously looking into joing the military. What branch, I'm not quite sure. Really depends on the benefits for tuition and whatnot. Must talk to Don about the Navy. Sigh.

Wednesday Whatevers 1. How does

Wednesday Whatevers

1. How does your room reflect your personality?

Hmm. It doesn't too much anymore, but there's still touches of me in it. My room's very very girly - pink walls, flowery pillows, and border, Victorian furniture (I have a vanity, how cool is that?!), and everything in pink or lavender. I designed it when I was 9, and that room was my 10th birthday present, so I guess you couldn't blame me. But now I have random clippings on my walls - Garfield and Peanuts cartoons, posters, birthday cards, and whatnot. And lots of Victorian prints. and zillions of cat knick knacks (very big into cats). In one corner is a mini hammock witha bunch of Beanie Babies (those were my thing to collect), so there's still a lot of me in the room. It definitely looks lived in ;-)

2. Think back a few years. How was your room like then?

Like I said, I designed the rom when I was 9, so it's nearly stayed the same, minus a couple dozen Nsync posters I've taken down.

3. What's your favorite thing to do when it's raining out?
If it's warm rain, like in the summer, go for a long walk. If it's a cold rain, then sip tea and read a good book.

Happy happy joy joy. Such

Happy happy joy joy.
Such motivators for work. (beats those crappy "Ambition" posters you see in doctors' offices)

(Can we put one of these by the Security Desk? Can we, can we?)

It made me smile today

It made me smile today

I feel so much better today. Maybe it's just a breakfast of Skittles and Tootsie Rolls that did it for me today (Jacob got a load of candy from Halloween, and he's "sharing" the goods). So sorry about my bitching and moping the past week in this. I get down over things that are so very insignificant.. it's stupid of me. And I've really gotta stop worrying, I never worry this much. With less working hours, I have too much time on my hands, and my mind goes haywire. Calling Seaport Taxis tomorrow. Pray I get the job, ya'll!

To rehash my weekend: I

To rehash my weekend:

I ended up not taking the SATs yesterday, I've had about 6 or 7 hours of sleep total in the past two days, and slept through my alarm. And I never did find my passport. I think I'll go down to the DMV this week to get an ID, I need one anyway. So I ended up calling the administrator people and switched the date to December 6th, which takes a huge burden off my mind. So very thankful.

Then the afternoo I ended up going to my uncle's 50th birthday. (rah rah) How my mom's family spent 5 hours together without a single argument is beyond me, all I can say is it's a honest to goodness miracle. Mum started bragging on me when an aunt started on her daughter, who is two years younger than me, so I actually did get some enjoyment out of that. Apparently mum considers haing a daughter with a boyfriend part of the bragging rights, so all four aunts crowd around me, asking about Puppy, then freak when they realize he's four years older. I'd pay money to capture that look on their faces again. Otherwise, I'm part of the background, a wallflower who keeps to herself. Not that I mind being ignored. I don't like being the center of attention when it comes to family. Especially my mum's side of the family. Consider my my aunts, there's four of them - the heroin addict, the schizophrenic/depressive, the catty one, and the baby of the family. Now add in a uncle for three of these aunts, eight cousins, and one very unpedictable grandmother. (oh, and a dash of Italian blood.) Thus, you have mum's family, which is a volcano ready to erupt. Hence my miracle. (and did I mention they told me to bring Puppy to the Christmas get-together? Sorry, but it's not gonna happen.) I like my dad's family much better. I never have anything to say to them once they've grilled me about school, but they don't argue.

So yesterday and my lack of sleep has led to one very boring but draining weekend. What I get for having my first Saturday in months off.

Crap. Crap. Crap. It's finally

Crap. Crap. Crap.

It's finally sunk in that I have the SATs tomorrow. And I have no idea where my passport is, thus no photo ID. Oh crap. I'm going to bed. Wish me luck, some grace for the test, and to find the friggin' passport!!!

Why oh why did I decide to retake the SATs????? I was happy with an 1180. Argghhh. Stupid stupid self.