distinctly.elan

So. wrong.

Mean joke of the week:

In the museum, a mother is explaining to her 9 yr old girl how Connie fought against slave trading. She explains what slaves are/were, then the girl asks, "Was Cinderella a slave?"

Unnamed person's whispered response: "No, she was white."

*snicker*

Just a few notes to

Just a few notes to let you know I'm still alive.
"Steve McQueen" - Sheryl Crow

I live for myself and I answer to nobody.
-Steve McQueen

I just took a week-long hiatus to think, and write on my own. And now I'm about ready to come back.

It's been a long week. Correction. A long month. But living life has its benefits- looking forward to the rare occasions when I can spend time with friends, and wishing the day away.

Forgive me.

I'm a girl with eighteen years of day-dreaming behind me. And I'm still on a high from last night.
Ah. Last night. After a tiring and busy day of work, Thing 2 picked me up after enduring some gentle ribbing from L and M. A positively gorgeous day, to be sure, and we drove with the windows of his deep blue Ford down and my hair flying free to White Marsh. We ended up catching The Ladykillers , and sharing a huge bag of Skittles. Now, if anyone has met me, they know I'm a fiend for the sugar-coated candies. And last night was no exception. We fought over the bag the entire movie, only grudgingly sharing like an obedient brother and sister. (apparently Thing 2 is also a Skittle addict.) Toward the end of the movie, his head found it's way to leaning against my chair, and my head to his shoulder, his head finally resting against mine. Afterwards, we ate at Red Brick Station, home the infamous Bossman and Thing 2 get-togethers. We then went for some celebratory ice cream of our eighteenth birthdays, and talked until it was time to head home.

It was one of those perfect nights, a lovely March evening that felt more like mid-summer, the birds singing their night songs, a Cheshire cat moon and stars sprinkled out throught the blanket of sky. a girl and a guy, walking in deep conversation, their laughter intermingling with the occasional whhosh of traffic.

I really couldn't ask for anything more. Thing 2 has become a brother, a best friend to me. Aside from the attraction I feel for him, and the feelings bubbling inside, he is the twin I never had. He's a confidant, a movie buddy, a date. Someone I can come to. I feel so amazingly blessed to have him and my girl best friend, Allie, to know they can be themselves around me and I feel the same.

Perhaps this relationship I have with Thing 2 is all I need now. We are close enough that our thoughts intertwine, making no sense to anyone but ourselves, comfortable with ourselves that there was never any pretense to have a facade built up, no need to make any impression but the person we are now and have always been from the second our hands shook in introduction and eyes locked. He is attentive enough to realize that I need time from a romantic relationship, time to heal, yet he still chases after myself when I try to hide away in my tumultuous thoughts.

So what are we, exactly? We date, if you define that as going out to spend time together, and he'll gladly pay as the ever-charming gentleman, yet he refuses to date and thinks the idea of high school romance ludicrous. We'll find heads nesting together in tranquil contentedness, and playfully exchange jabs and tickles, yet his fingers never grasp mine. What is this thing they call dating, really? Is it what we have? Or are we at that comfortable guy-girl friends level where this is all part of daily life? Inquiring minds wish to know.

What time do you get

What time do you get up? 6:30-7, depending on what day it is. Today I got up at 11 with a headache.
If you could eat lunch with one person, who would it be? haven't went out with any one person in a few weeks, aside from Allie, so Thing 2.
Gold or silver? silver.
What was the last film you saw at the cinema? Butterfly Effect with Thing 2
What is your favorite TV show? CSI of ER. Smallville when I catch it.
What do you have for breakfast? today? waffles.
Who would you hate to be stuck in a room with? a few people I won't mention here.
What is your middle name? Noel.
Beach, City or Country? City. I need to be where it's busy.
Favorite ice cream? Almond Joy. or does lime sherbet count?
Butter, plain or salted popcorn? butter with a bit of salt.
Favorite color? red.
What kind of car do you drive? my daddy's 2000 Nissan Frontier
Favorite sandwich? a cheese steak sub from Belisimo's on Harford and Putty Hill. yummy.
What characteristic do you despise? pessimism. worrying.
Favorite flower? pale pink tulibs or the orange and red swirl roses growing in our backyard. or hydrangeas.
If you could go anywhere in the world on vacation, where would you go? at the moment, El Salvador. breathtakingly beautiful counmtry (and I'm going there for 10 days this summer!) At Christmas, there's no place I'd rather be than NYC.
What color is your bathroom? pink with carnations tile.
Favorite brand of clothing? my Levis.
Where would you retire to? I'd come back home to Baltimore.
Favorite day of the week? Friday. especially this friday. :)
What did you do for your last birthday? bowling with a couple friends, then pizza, The Princess Bride, and Moulin Rouge. My *real* birthday I went to Outback Steakhouse.
Where were you born? Sinai Hospital
Favorite sport to watch? baseball or football.
What fabric detergent do you use? All.
Coke or Pepsi? Coke.
Are you a morning person or a night owl? night owl. depends on who I'm with, though.
What is your shoe size? 9
Do you have any pets? two doggies- a boxer mix(1)and a chilhuahua/scotty(4), and a goldfish that refuses to die (6+?)

Argh. I feel awful. Perhas it was good that I didn't go out last night. My nose is all snifly, my eyes are red rimmed, and my throat *hurts*. Really don't feel like working till 11 for the catered event tonight, much less taking the bus down there. All dizzy and such. and the Tylenol Cold + Flu medicine I took when I woke up has done nothing aside from making me feel woozy.

Any remedies to make a cold vanish quickly? no tea in the house.

I can't wait until this week is over. a trip to Annapolis is in store Friday night. Thing 2's make up for yesterday's cancelled trip and screwy work schedule.

congratulations. you are the kiss

congratulations. you are the kiss my ass happy
bunny. You don't care about anyone or anything.
You must be so proud


which happy bunny are you?
brought to you by Quizilla

Mm. Long thrre hours of babysitting tonight for a 5 yr and 8 yr old girls. Said by the 8 yr old to me:
"Do you do yoga?"
"Used to."
"Your face looks like someone who does yoga. You can call peaople nuts and not feel guilty because people who do yoga can do that."
"Oh."

Strange logic (but look who's talking now?!).

Fat.

"Screaming Infidelities" by Dashboard Confessional

I feel fat. I've been completely run down the past couple weeks, and it's finally occured to me why I'm feeling so awful.

1. Working downtown in the tourist district does awful things to your abdominal area and below. i.e. When all you have to eat for lunch is McDonald's, Pizza, Oriental, or seafood, it brings bad things. Very bad things.

2. Waking up at 6:30 in the morning means a very tired little girl, who is barely awake enough to drag herself downstairs to a hot shower. That also means I have no energy nor desire to exercise early.

3. Early rising means that I can hardly push myself to pour a glass of o.j. and a bowl of Honey Bunches of Oats, nevermind makes myself lunch.

4. Upon arriving home from eight and a half hours of work I have sore legs, and no desire to run a mile.

And, I've taken it upon myself to become the cook. Thus, in the past week, I've made a lasagna that I even want to eat, crispy and juicy fried chicken breasts, salisbary steaks, and stir fried vegetables and pork. All this adds up to meals that give me an excuse to take extra portions and a bellyache afterwords.

I feel tremendously fat. Good bye, 117.5 pounds. Goodbye, size 7 jeans. Argh.

Bathing suit season is coming up. And Prom.
I need a new routine. I've tried going without, I've tried cutting down.

Any ideas? Or should I just join a gym?

~~~
But.. Thing 2 has obviously learned the art of growing close to one's heart, then weaving his way in and out of my life so that I don't know which way is up, but am so giddy that it doesn't matter anymore. I can't wait until he moves up to Baltimore to start working at the ship. (and he can't either. He's already mentioned that we'll be able to spend more time together and that I'll be a *distraction* to him. *Distractions* like me are good.) Wee.

are you a child still

are you a child still living in the 90's..bold all the things that you remember/can/did...

Fresh Prince of Bel-Air - Jacob loves the re-runs
Fraggle Rock
G.I. Joe - We have just about every video
Are You Afraid of the Dark? - I think I saw this a couple times at friends' houses
Secret World of Alex Mack
Nightmare Before Christmas - wasn't allowed to see it, started watching it at my aunt's and parents freaked
Welcome Freshman
Space Cases
Roundhouse
The Muppet Show
Muppet Babies - I*heart* the Muppets. Baby Kermie and Fozzie were my favorite
Eureka's Castle - sounds familiar. Don't remember what it was exactly though.
Salute Your Shorts
Legends of the Hidden Temple
You Can't Do That On Television
G.U.T.S.
What Would You Do?
Double Dare
Rocko's Modern Life
All That
Ren and Stimpy
Clarissa Explains It All - all incredibly annoying Nick or Cartoon Network shows
The Torklesons
Pete and Pete
Stick Stickley Write to me, Stick Stickley, PO Box 963, NYC, NY State, 10108
Goodburger - I remember distictly wanting to see this and discussing it in detail with friends.
Angry Beavers
Sponge Bob
Hey Arnold! - a friend and I will quote this back and forth to each other.
AAH! Real Monsters an insanely stupid show on FOX.

Tiny Toons - they were awesome. Drove my parents nuts. I still probably have the Happy Meal toys around.
Animaniacs helped me with learning history. The best.
Pinky and the Brain - my favorite WB show. Nothing can top it.
The Babysitter's Club - I snuck these books home from the library to read them. Never got to much into them, perhaps finished off a dozen at max.
Underdog
Kablam! - wasn't this a movie with Shaq as a genie or something?
Gullah Gullah Island - too many Saturday mornings babysitting were spent watching this.
Richard Scarry - Where the Wild Things Are. 'Nuff said.
Dumbo's Circus
Ocean Girl
Mystery Files of Shelby Woo
Snick Snacks
Dunkaroos - a friend had these every day of seventh grade. *shudder*
SNICK
Koala Yummies
Where In The World Is Carmen Sandiego? - I raced home after gym to see this every Friday at 4. Had the Nintendo game.
Nick Magazine
The Goonies
Ernest Movies
Radio Flyer
Disney Watchers
Adventures in Wonderland
Homeward Bound
The Adventures of Yellow Dog
Milo and Otis
Neverending Story
Who Framed Roger Rabbit?
The Lion King
Labyrinth
101 Dalmations
The Secret Garden
Pete's Dragon
Hocus Pocus
Secret of Roan Inish
Land Before Time
Dinosaurs
Fern Gully
Secret of NIMH
Gummi Bears
Care Bears - I have two of their albums (real albums) and a dozen of the plastic dolls.
A Little Princess
Little Pony - a friend spilled grape juice all over them, so between a mix of toothmarks from my dog and dried juice, they're interesting.
Black Beauty
Rainbow Brite
Lady Lovely Locks
Candyland
Sorry!
Trouble
Don't Wake Daddy!
Mousetrap
Jenga
Don't Break the Ice
Hungry Hungry Hippos
Cooties
Tinker Toys
The castles that made tea sets
Polly Pocket (back when she was pocket-sized) - I had a million of those things.
Hypercolor T-Shirts
Lite Brite - there was one in my 2nd grade classroom. So cool.
Sky Dancers - evil evil things.
Scrunchies
Side Ponytails
Stirrup Pants *shudder*
Jellies - Had a pair of hot pink ones. Gave me blisters.
Saddle Shoes - I wouldn't wear them, no matter what. Thought they loooked like bowling shoes.
Barbies - I'll occasionally collect the designer ones. My dog left her teeth in the others' legs. Jacob burned my Barbie Dream House. *sniff*
Beanie Babies - my goodness. Still have my collection displayed in a hammock by my bed.
Tamagotchies - evil things. Mine drowned in the fish tank.
Yo-Yos
Duncans!!
Choose Your Own Adventure
Pogs - who could forget those?
Goosebumps - hated these books with a passion. Thought they wasted kids' minds away.
Magic Attic Club
American Girl - I saved up for Molly when I was nine. Have her bed and her things in my closet.
Island of the Blue Dolphin
Saved By The Bell
Full House
Step By Step
TGIF on ABC
Sabrina, the Teenage Witch
Boy Meets World - My favorite show.
Clueless
Mork and Mindy
Simpsons
Flipper
Eerie, Indiana
Third Rock From The Sun
Tracey Ullman Show
Ghostwriter
Growing Pains
Family Ties
Titanic - Saw this in the Senator Theatre. Massive infatuation with DiCraprio.
Felix The Cat: The Movie
Jonathan Taylor Thomas
Home Improvement
Tom and Huck
My Brother and Me
Kenan and Kel
Hanson
Inspector Gadget
Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles
Power Rangers
Hot Wheels
Creepy Crawlers
Easy Bake Oven - I made a coulple things at a neighbors. Tasted like crap. Made me realize I'd never be a famous chef.
Flower Making Kits
Weinerville
Wild and Crazy Kids
Playdough McDonald's Sets
Animorphs
Rainbow Fish
If You Give A Mouse A Cookie
Bailey School Kids
Wayside School
Mrs. Piggle Wiggle
Boxcar Kids
Ramona Quimby - Those were great. Read them all in first grade.
Amber Brown
Roald Dahl
Allegra's Window
3-2-1 Contact - even had a subsription to these.

That Whole Relationship Thing.. "This

That Whole Relationship Thing..
"This Love" by Maroon 5

will probably be put on hold for a few more months.

We talked a bit last night, and things were said that implied that he isn't ready, or has no desire to have a relationship (with anyone, not necessarily myself) at this point in life. I guess it makes sense. We've both been burned pretty badly. Maybe we still need time to lick our wounds before we move on, rather than having a possibility of adding salt to the wound. That could be why we've become friends; to help each other go on. He's already helped me tremendously; offering his ears, advice and a hug.

I think I'll wait it out. See what life has in store for me. Thing 2's come my way for some reason. If not a s/o, then a awesome friend. Like Allie said, "You lost a boyfriend, and got a good friend in return." Perhaps.

Quizzie Time. For your accessing

Quizzie Time.

For your accessing ease, I've stuck them here.

My Kiddie Fix of the

My Kiddie Fix of the Week.
"I Think God Can Explain" by Splendor

For the past month I've been spending my Tuesday mornings, 9am to noon, watching a group of kids between the ages of 2 and 5. The job pays nicely, $30, tax-free, for three hours, and I get to spend time with the young'uns of my church.

I've fallen in love with these kiddies.

There's Jordan, 4, an angelic girl with light brown curly locks and serious blue eyes. She's incredibly sensitive. Then her friend Anna, 4, a tomboyish yet gentle child with cropped brown hair and an incredibly energetic disposition. Every morning, as soon as I arrive, she'll greet me by jumping on my shoulders an begging for a piggy-back ride. Liam, 3, a prepster that looks ready to join the likes of Harvard or Yale with his pale blond curls, flashing green eyes, and michevious disarming grin. A hearthrob for sure in ten years. John, 4, a quiet loner with black tousled hair and dark eyes, yet ever ready for a hug or even a ticklefest. Isabella, 2, a gorgeous Hispanic child whose mismatched English and Spanish and grins that would melt any heart. And Matthew, 5, a sometimes rebellious yet charming boy with bedhead brown locks and eyes.

Jordan's soft liting voice describes in detail the lives of her stuffed pony of puppy. Anna's always ready to climb into my lap for a story. Liam immediately stops his tears when his faced is pressed into my sweatshirt or I call him "StinkyFeet."

Today, Matthew, who wasn't exactly on his best behavior today, left me with hug, a kiss on my cheek, and a whispered "You're my favorite other mommy."

Kids have this wonderfully disarming way about them, of wrenching your heart out and wrapping their little arms around you, or fitting their tiny hands into yours, that you can't get mad, no matter what.

I won't have kids for another fifteen years at least, so these babies are my fix until then.

and the nominees for the

and the nominees for the "Dolt Merit Award" are...

Theo* for his ingenious "wha..?!" remarks -
Bossman: You came to work straight from church, didn't you?
Me: Yes.
Theo: And she was wearing a skirt, and a blouse! No coat! No hat! It's cold out!
Me: I get over it. It was sunny when I left the house.
Theo: I couldn't wear that when it's cold like today.
Bossman: *snicker* I wouldn't let you come to work like that, either.
Me: Ha! We wouldn't know you.
Theo: Huh?
Bossman: Dressed in a outfit like she's wearing.
Theo: Huh?

Paul Smith's* impression of the "daring young man on the flying trapeze," er, rigging -
As I was lowering the City flag, it got caught on the shrouds, part of the ship's rigging. Paul muttered an expletive, and climbed up on the shroud to retrieve the flag. Jerry, a coworker, happened to catch my eye, and nudged me, saying,
"You know you'd lose your job if he'd fell."
"Oh, come on, I really can't give him a little shove? Pwetty pweese?"
Paul finally got the flag untangled, and jumped back on deck. (PS can be an aggravating and pushy volunteer. Few people can tolerate him. He's known for his erm... temper.)

Yours Truly's mind-blowing airheadedness -
I made a cake today, followed all the directions - added eggs and butter to the mix, the scraped the batter into the greased pans, noting the batter's unusual fluffiness and thickness. Turns out I had skipped over the minor part of adding water to the mixture.

* names have been changed to protect the guilty idiotic.

So mirror on the wall, who's the densest of them all?

Your choice. Click to comment and add your vote. Winners will be announced promptly.

Name Meme "Bend and Not

Name Meme
"Bend and Not Break- Dashboard Confessional
If you know me as SparklePlenty, you're either a coworker or know me solely by LJ
If you know me as Elan Noel, you've read my writings or my Blog
If you know me as Lan/Lanny, you've known me at least a couple years and I'd consider you a close friend
If you know me as Loon, you knew me in 9th grade
If you know me as TryingNotToBreak or BringMeToLife04, you know me on AIM
If you know me as Splinter, you're a *mean* coworker
If you know me as EverythingUArent, you know me from AOL
If you know me as Sprouse Mouse, you're either Bossman or Thing 2
If you know me as Friendly Tree, stay in Cali.
If you know me as Sprouse Jaus, you're an old classmate from RCCS
If you know me as "that girl with the big nose," you're Amber
If you know me as "Marie's daughter", you know my mom from choir and my name is Elan
If you know me as Mulan, you're either a kid I watch in Nursery, babysit, or a 4 year old's mom
If you know me as "Jacob's sister", you smell and should die
If you know me as tiredlittlegirl, you either met me through LJ or Blogger, and you rock.
If you know me as "sailor lady," you should throw yourself and your cracka friends into the Harbor
If you know me as Able Seaman ****, you've been on my ever fascinating tour
If you know me as "that laughing girl," yes, I do laugh, and yes, I like it that way

would you ever get plastic

would you ever get plastic surgery if so on what
my nose.. I love it, but it's very .. ahm.. noteworthy

last time you went to the bowling alley
Tuesday, with a couple friends from my Grad. class. I sucked.. got scores of 51 and 64.. my worst ever.

what perfume/cologne do you wear
Ralph by Ralph Lauren (yay for birthdays)

which foreign accents are sexy:
Irish, Spanish. Def. depends on the person. Having 14 year olds in El Salvador try to seduce you in broken English isn't gonna make it.. they also had "mustaches" so that could be part of the problem.

do you like jell-o if so what flavor:
Lime or the blue kind

brand of toothpaste:
Crest

last time you went to the doctor:
about a month ago.. I'm not dead yet.

ever taken dance class?:
yep. Country line dancing when I was 12, and ballroom in 8th grade.. *shudder*

favorite juice:
orange

most interesting person in your social circle:
me(!) there's a couple that could fit the bill

last book you read:
in the midst of 1984 by George Orwell. It's teking me longer the third time around.

white, dark, or milk chocolate:
Dark

natural haircolor:
Dark Brown, nearly black

favorite holiday:
4th of July.. and New Year's - summer or a fresh start and fireworks.. need I say more?

last time you smoked:
never

last thing you bought:
a floaty pale pink dress

are you stressed out...if so from what:
just life. I think. wanting to get out but knowing Ican't. At least not right now.

what do you wear to the beach:
A swim suit and a pair of shorts

would you ever join the military? why?:
I'm too out of shape.. I'd never ever make it. and I'm a w imp.

do you want a puppy?
I have my doggies. there was a yorkie mix I was begging daddy for the other day, but..

ever had a kick me sign on you:
not without my knowledge.. last year I and a coupla friends walked around White Marsh with Post-It Notes on our backs, to see if anyone would notice.

last party you went to:
mine.. :P

what detergent do you use:
Tide

what fabric softner do you use:
Downy.. I think

favorite movie star
Christina Ricci and Anna Paquin

do you work out:
I've actually started.. I feel so proud of myself.

do you go to a tanning bed:
I need to go soon.

are you in love?
no. "in like" but not in love.

what kind of jewelry do you wear:
Silver

favorite brand of gum:
DoubleMint

how do you take your coffee?
2 sugars, 2 creams

how do you take your tea?
straight, as dark as possible

do you write in pen or pencil....or markers:
pen. can't stand pencil

do you wear a watch
never

Mom hinted a couple times

Mom hinted a couple times today that she's been reading this.. I really don't feel like changing the name and moving again. I suppose I will have to. I don't mind friends reading this, or even passerby, but.. sometimes.. you know.

If I change the location, I'll leave a note in each of my linkies comment boxes'. Thanks.

Any other suggestions? She knows I feel like this is my personal diary, but I "live in her house" so I still don't deserve privacy (i.e. she would have no prob reading my tangible diary if she found it.)

Blech.
~~~
But on to good news... my plastic arrived today.. all shiny and new. Yay. I'm purchasing tickets tonight asap for Dashboard Confessional's concert at Merriweather Post Pavilion in June. I'll buy two, even though I don't have anyone to come with me yet. Any takers?

Well you stole my heart,

Well you stole my heart, and I'll get it back.
But look me in the eye, babe, tell me why you gonna love me like that,
why ya gonna love me like that.
Well I've walked this world, five times or more,
and after all this walking babe, you still got me crawlin' on the floor,
Crawlin' on the floor.
And I know this world keeps on turning,
keeps me yearning

How can you throw us away? Look at what you lost today.
Now everything in shades of gray, and now you're pushing me away.
Say all the things you want to say, thought we were going all the way.
Play all the games you need to play.
Slowly we just fade away.
- Michelle Branch, "Love Me Like That"

Bonjour Cherie! You're Jo Stockton

Bonjour Cherie! You're Jo Stockton from Funny
Face. You're intellectual and you care little
for shallow things, but once you find love you
loosen up quite a bit.


Which Audrey Hepburn Are You?
brought to you by Quizilla

What Classic Movie Are You?.

A Real Post.

"You" - Switchfoot from the Walk to Remember soundtrack

I doubt I could be more contented than at this moment.

Life is all about enjoying the simple pleasures, learning that extravagent events aren't what we will remember forever, but the most minute experiences - laughing over an inside joke with a childhood friend, the taste of the first summer snowcone, the exhileration of spending the first hard-earned paycheck, cuddling with a pet and a good book.

So when an exceptionally good moment comes along, we need to enjoy it, simply for what it is, not for what it could be. Make sense?

Like my "starring role" on Channel 5 Public Access Station. Yesterday at work, I had just finished a tour with a group of mostly adults, and two or three kids, and waltzed back to the gangway, tired after dealing with an especially disrespectful and rebellious 9 or 10 year old. From the get-go, he had been annoying. I chided a man for standing on the opposite side of a rope than everyone else, and immediately the boy switched to the wrong side, and ignored me when I asked him to step back to the correct side. Finally, after he saw I was getting frustrated, L stepped in to command respect for me from the group. Didn't work. Most times L scares the bejebus out of the group so they listen, but not yesterday. I ignored the kid, but when we got to turning the capstan, an awkward, machine that works to lift a 200lb. barrel of water, he tripped on a rope after I reminded the group to watch their step. He was fine, but when I requested he move to another side of the bar the people were pushing, he outright refused. I explained he wouldn't have to step as high over the rope, but he pouted and finally stomped off. Normally I would ignore a kid like himself, but I was being extra careful and aware.

So, after I had finished the tour, finally(!), I noticed a couple people setting up to film a guy dressed in black jeans; a puffy, Shakespearean-style shirt; and a bright red sash. The guy was "Captain Baltimore," pirate and owner (or commandeer) of the good ship Chessiepeake. They asked if I would stand next to him, and before I knew it, Cap'n Baltimore was introducing himself, standing "on the US Connie, with my good friend... what was your name again?" L caught my eye, brought Bossman to watch the spectacle, and handwrote "Able Seaman *****" on a used ticket. After the film crew's 5th or 6th take, Bawlmer finally corrected himself as standng on the USS Connie with his friend Able Seaman *****, and I explained about several of the tours especially made for children going on, and the special preparations made for Connie's 150th ("wow, that's old!") birthday party.

So I'm not quite a movie star, but I am to all five viewers of Channel 5 Public Access Station. As Bossman says, it's something to add to my resume'.

Then this afternoon was spent shopping with Allie, just enjoying time with her, giving myself a much needed break.

"One Year, Six Months" -

"One Year, Six Months" - Yellowcard
I hate myself.

I take that back. I'm just mad at myself. Didn't think about the ex a bit yesterday. But today I slid and checked his LiveJournal anyway. Stupid self. not like he updated, but that's not the point.

Even after talking with Thing 2 again last night. Calling twice a week makes me a very happy girlie. And we're going to the Baltimore Zoo for an entire day on St. Patty's. :)

And I am getting ready to go hang with allie for the rest of the day. Weee.

I'm a terrible procrastinator. I've

I'm a terrible procrastinator. I've put off doing my homework for class for almost a month now.

And I really want to do something tomorrow. Won't though. Work until five-thirty, then a trip on the ever thrilling MTA bus, again to an empty house. And no one will feel like doing anything. At least I have half a day to spend with Allie on Monday.

So I'm looking forward to that. Last night was great. Allie's school, RCCS (my old school), hosted the play Antigone, and it was amazingly well done (especially for RCCS). She was stage director, so afterwards we went out for milkshakes.

But I really need to get out and have some free time to hang out the entire day with her (mall, movies, the whole kit 'n caboodle).

And I'm finding I miss Thing 2. I'm accepting his as just a good friend for the moment, without pushing anything. At least, he has made no mention of any romance going on, aside from paying for our trips to the movies, and saying I look "amazing." And saying he had a great time whenever we went out. I don't know what we are, but.. that's ok. Odd feeling, because normally I'm pushing for love, pushing for romance. He treats me like a lady, opening doors and such, but at the same time, is comfortable enough to be totally himself and laugh at ourselves. It's a strange connection.

But I miss him. I know he's coming up here to Baltimore (he lives 45 minutes away in Annapolis) next Sunday, along with Thing 1, and they'll be marching in the St. Patrick's Day parade with their band. And I can't wait to see them both.

But I'm working every weekend now - 9am-6:30pm on Saturdays, and 1:30pm-5:30 on Sundays. So my weekend is no longer a weekend. Sigh. Hopefully things will change soon enough.

Money is good though. Dad found me a 1968 VW Bug for $1200 that runs pretty well, and get quite a bit of mileage. I've always wanted a Bug, and a paint job would help to make it perfect.
~~~~

I was just realizing how blantantly honest I am on here now. Crushes, opinions, hurt, it's nothing new. It is literally a journal now, open for all the world to see. Strange. Comforting yet scary.

::11:40pm EDIT::

She has an interesting description of rejection here.

The storm was fierce today.

The storm was fierce today. The weather's been great the past week, up in the 60's and 70's, but on and off today it was drizzling, then pouring, then dry. So around four when we were getting ready to fire the cannon, the sky got black and the rains fell.

But I didn't found out until I was getting ready to leave at six-thirty that a Water Taxi had been blown and capsized by the gusts of wind. According to MSNBC.com, a water taxi carrying about 25 passengers capsized, killing one woman and leaving four people missing. I had wondered why sirens were blaring the afternoon, but I didn't expect an accident like this.

Find the story here.

Friday Five What was... ...your

Friday Five

What was...
...your first grade teacher's name? Ms. Bowen
...your favorite Saturday morning cartoon? Garfield and Friends
...the name of your very first best friend? Tiffany
...your favorite breakfast cereal? Honey Bunches of Oats
...your favorite thing to do after school? play "circus" with my dog, Bootsie (she had brindle coloring, so she played the tiger jumping through "rings of fire" aka hula hoops)

I'm happy happy that Adam (from the 1st season of Average Joe) is coming back to do his own "Average Jane" on NBC. It's the one addicting reality show I watch most every time. Melana chose one of the three "hotties" over Adam, and it's about time the charmingly dorky cute Adam has his turn pulling the strings. The show returns to NBC on March 15.

I have the house to myself tonight. The 'rents and Jacob went to Virginia for something, and won't be back till sometime tonight. So home alone means blasting Evanescence's "Fallen" album and singing along at the top of my lungs. So refreshing. If possible, the lyrics mean to me something more than ever. Especialy the breakup. I just feel betrayed; raw and wounded.

Blurring and stirring the truth and the lies
So I don't know what's real and what's not
Always confusing the thoughts in my head
So I can't trust myself anymore

So go on and scream
Scream at me, I'm so far away
I won't be broken again
I've got to breathe
I can't keep going under
- "Going Under"

These wounds won't seem to heal
This pain is just too real
There's just too much that time can not erase

I've tried so hard to tell myself that you're gone
But though you're still with me
I've been alone all along
- "My Immortal"

Hopefully all of this will be gone by the time I wake up tomorrow morning. It's a new day, a new week. All I need is time. All I want is for these thoughts to leave me, once and for all.

And the problem is, my thoughts and emotions have been bleeding past the borders of my mind and into my job life. I've been careless this week, once accidentally breaking a wooden pin I didn't notice, and today flying the American flag upside down. I want to get this under control, I truly do. I'm going insane, replaying everything in my mind. So tonight, I also destroyed everything - deleted the emails, knocked him off my LiveJournal friends list, crossed out his email address from my book, ripped up photos, recorded over film, scratched out in phone number - everything I can possibly do to erase any evidence of him. There's nothing else I can possibly do to forget him.

Immobilized by my fear
And soon to be blinded by tears
I can stop the pain if I will it all away
- "Whisper"

I neglected to mention. A

I neglected to mention.

A visitor commended me on my "vast knowledge of history" today. I did a good job of pretending. Me feel happy.

Happy Feet... and happy feet

Happy Feet... and happy feet make happy legs and happy legs make a happy tushie and a happy tushie makes everybody happy!
"Tripping Billies" - DMB

My feet have been aching something awful the past few days after work. So I decided to splurge. Grabbed my $15 gift card to Bath & Body Works, and my brand spankin' new checkbook (wee!), and dashed over to the Galleria after work. Yep. Blew my first check on a set of foot scrubbies, balms, and a eye mask for my "aged eyes," as Bossman called them. But I'm happy as a lark. And my feet are happy and pretty. And my eyes are bright.

At work, however, today was a bit different from the normal humdrumness of a weekday. After I got back from my 1/2 hour lunch break, B walked in. Now B used to work in the ship's store, until he left for another place, around November. And I haven't seen him since. But he was dressed in a dress suit, and I commented on it. He told me he was going in for an interview at a souvenir store, then asked why I was "still here," working at the ship. I've gone over that a zillion times here, I know this will change as soon as it gets busy and more visitors come, but I feel like I've reached the top. Not necessarily, but it's nearly as high as I can go in my job, as much as my paycheck is concerned. I know most of the tours, and have recently gained new responsibilities. But all the same, I feel like I've reached a standstill. I don't know.

But back to my story. B asked if I had gone out to lunch, and when I said yes, he sudenly got a hangdog look and his shoulders slumped.

"I was going to take you out to lunch."
"You were? I would have waited, but I didn't know."
"Well, I'd like to take you out to dinner tonight."

I mumbled through a bad excuse of already having plans, yada yada, but inside my mind was blinking. Where did that come from? I thought he was dating E, a girl that works in the offices. And isn't he older? Much older? I quickly changed the subject, mentioning the weather, work, anything but lunch or dinner plans. I casually played the coy innocent girl, but I felt like it kept falling flat. It's not that he's unattractive. He's taller, blue-gray eyes, with long blonde hair pulled into a neat pony, a look that makes him look almost the theatre or librarian geek, but he has a gentle quality to him. He was always nice to me when he worked at the ship, but I didn't expect this. He just caught me off guard, that's all.

At least that's what I keep telling myself. After all, why should I let myself get tangled in another relationship again? He's too old. I don't want to get into this all again. It wouldn't work out. Or would it?

::March3, 9:26pm EDIT:: Mr.E isn't

::March3, 9:26pm EDIT::

Mr.E isn't going to be laid off after all. I am so happy for him.

What Makes You Sexy? by

What Makes You Sexy? by eva71
Name/NickName
Gender
Sexy Body Part Is	Your Feet
Special Talents Are	Stalking Your Prey
Created with quill18's MemeGen 3.0!

ha. I only find this funny because my feet smell like they died right now. And my hands smell like soggy old coffee grinds... nasty nasty nasty. I feel like getting a shower.

Over at his weblog, I

Over at his weblog, I found that Mr. Epiphany recaived a letter directing him to go to the Post Office, just like two of the other teachers from Baltimore City College HS got when they were laid off. I pray he isn't getting laid off.. he was a great teacher. (he headed up the NASA MD Science Center/ Hubble Heritage Project I participated in last year, and seemed like an incredible guy to have as an English teach.)

Why is it that 1, no one is reporting these laid-off teachers, 2, no one is doing a thing about it, and 3, the greatest and most wonderful teachers are being laid off?

What about the kids? What about their education? Why is no one bothering about this and actually going to the root of the problem? Laying off teachers will only hurt the kids, not help the system.

"Friendship without self-interest is one

"Friendship without self-interest is one of the rare and beautiful things of life."

One of the most amazing things about friends are their ability to listen. The ability to share one's pain, to freely and openly give advice, to willingly offer wide-open arms for a comforting hug. I couldn't be more grateful for Thing 2. Somehow he's popped up in my life, and since then, he's grown to be a close friend. He knew I had been feeling incredibly down this week, and carefully prodded me with questions, not seeking any tidbits of gossip for his self, but honestly wanted to know how I was feeling, why I was feeling this way. Aside from just a couple crappy things happening at work (that I caused), I have been beating myself up over my so-called stupidity with my ex. I've hated myself for falling for his lies, his outright deceit. And Thing 2 calmly offered the only advice he had that comes from learned wisdom through his own actions - give myself times and space. I have until May to completely get over him. And I am, in a way. I know I never want to see the ex again, never want to speak to him in a cordial manner. I no longer have any feelings of like toward him; only extreme dislike. Hatred, even. But he will come back. Things will be extraordinarily awkward. I've never been in this situation before. When I dropped Mike, we never spoke again until years later, and we only saw each other maybe once a week, only in passing at church. Joey, I refused to speak to him for a month afterwards, and barely glanced at him until he spoke to me. We're friends now, and I'm friends with his s/o, but that took years. So I still don't quite know what will happen, come May. At least I still have several months to do just what Thing 2 suggested, give myself time and space away.

at least I know Allie and Thing 2 are always willing to give me a hug, even if it is long-distance over the phone.

I'm feeling a bit better

I'm feeling a bit better today. Mostly because of a couple reasons:

1. I got my Learner's Permit! Finally(!) It only took me three trips to the MVA and a couple phone calls, and a very satisfying temper tantrum. Behold the steering wheel of doom! (and it made me feel all warm and fuzzy inside when I told the lady I weighed 117 pounds.. yummy number).

2. I chatted for a few minutes with the hottie *Scott* from my Homeschooler's Class of 2004 meeting tonight. Probably looked like a dork, and acted like an idiot, (i.e. every wisecrack fell flat) but at least I looked cute while doing it. (more than some people can say!)

3. I had my Senior Pictures done tonight also. I think they'll turn out pretty well, considering the fact that as I removed the white Graduation gown to pose for a casual picture, the zipper stuck, and I had to remove the gown over my head, electrifying my hair.

4. I'm opening up a checking account tomorrow. At the moment, I have a CD, which has been gaining interest on the $2000 in there for a couple years, but I can only take anything out once a year. So, I'm gonna direct deposit my paychecks into the checking, and add something every two weeks into the CD. And I'm getting a VISA debit! Woohoo!

Which Annoying Two Towers Character are You?
By Lisa

Which one is your