In the museum, a mother is explaining to her 9 yr old girl how Connie fought against slave trading. She explains what slaves are/were, then the girl asks, "Was Cinderella a slave?"

Unnamed person's whispered response: "No, she was white."

*snicker*

I live for myself and I answer to nobody.
-Steve McQueen

I just took a week-long hiatus to think, and write on my own. And now I'm about ready to come back.

It's been a long week. Correction. A long month. But living life has its benefits- looking forward to the rare occasions when I can spend time with friends, and wishing the day away.

Forgive me.

I'm a girl with eighteen years of day-dreaming behind me. And I'm still on a high from last night.
Ah. Last night. After a tiring and busy day of work, Thing 2 picked me up after enduring some gentle ribbing from L and M. A positively gorgeous day, to be sure, and we drove with the windows of his deep blue Ford down and my hair flying free to White Marsh. We ended up catching The Ladykillers , and sharing a huge bag of Skittles. Now, if anyone has met me, they know I'm a fiend for the sugar-coated candies. And last night was no exception. We fought over the bag the entire movie, only grudgingly sharing like an obedient brother and sister. (apparently Thing 2 is also a Skittle addict.) Toward the end of the movie, his head found it's way to leaning against my chair, and my head to his shoulder, his head finally resting against mine. Afterwards, we ate at Red Brick Station, home the infamous Bossman and Thing 2 get-togethers. We then went for some celebratory ice cream of our eighteenth birthdays, and talked until it was time to head home.

It was one of those perfect nights, a lovely March evening that felt more like mid-summer, the birds singing their night songs, a Cheshire cat moon and stars sprinkled out throught the blanket of sky. a girl and a guy, walking in deep conversation, their laughter intermingling with the occasional whhosh of traffic.

I really couldn't ask for anything more. Thing 2 has become a brother, a best friend to me. Aside from the attraction I feel for him, and the feelings bubbling inside, he is the twin I never had. He's a confidant, a movie buddy, a date. Someone I can come to. I feel so amazingly blessed to have him and my girl best friend, Allie, to know they can be themselves around me and I feel the same.

Perhaps this relationship I have with Thing 2 is all I need now. We are close enough that our thoughts intertwine, making no sense to anyone but ourselves, comfortable with ourselves that there was never any pretense to have a facade built up, no need to make any impression but the person we are now and have always been from the second our hands shook in introduction and eyes locked. He is attentive enough to realize that I need time from a romantic relationship, time to heal, yet he still chases after myself when I try to hide away in my tumultuous thoughts.

So what are we, exactly? We date, if you define that as going out to spend time together, and he'll gladly pay as the ever-charming gentleman, yet he refuses to date and thinks the idea of high school romance ludicrous. We'll find heads nesting together in tranquil contentedness, and playfully exchange jabs and tickles, yet his fingers never grasp mine. What is this thing they call dating, really? Is it what we have? Or are we at that comfortable guy-girl friends level where this is all part of daily life? Inquiring minds wish to know.

Argh. I feel awful. Perhas it was good that I didn't go out last night. My nose is all snifly, my eyes are red rimmed, and my throat *hurts*. Really don't feel like working till 11 for the catered event tonight, much less taking the bus down there. All dizzy and such. and the Tylenol Cold + Flu medicine I took when I woke up has done nothing aside from making me feel woozy.

Any remedies to make a cold vanish quickly? no tea in the house.

I can't wait until this week is over. a trip to Annapolis is in store Friday night. Thing 2's make up for yesterday's cancelled trip and screwy work schedule.

Mm. Long thrre hours of babysitting tonight for a 5 yr and 8 yr old girls. Said by the 8 yr old to me:
"Do you do yoga?"
"Used to."
"Your face looks like someone who does yoga. You can call peaople nuts and not feel guilty because people who do yoga can do that."
"Oh."

Strange logic (but look who's talking now?!).

I feel fat. I've been completely run down the past couple weeks, and it's finally occured to me why I'm feeling so awful.

1. Working downtown in the tourist district does awful things to your abdominal area and below. i.e. When all you have to eat for lunch is McDonald's, Pizza, Oriental, or seafood, it brings bad things. Very bad things.

2. Waking up at 6:30 in the morning means a very tired little girl, who is barely awake enough to drag herself downstairs to a hot shower. That also means I have no energy nor desire to exercise early.

3. Early rising means that I can hardly push myself to pour a glass of o.j. and a bowl of Honey Bunches of Oats, nevermind makes myself lunch.

4. Upon arriving home from eight and a half hours of work I have sore legs, and no desire to run a mile.

And, I've taken it upon myself to become the cook. Thus, in the past week, I've made a lasagna that I even want to eat, crispy and juicy fried chicken breasts, salisbary steaks, and stir fried vegetables and pork. All this adds up to meals that give me an excuse to take extra portions and a bellyache afterwords.

I feel tremendously fat. Good bye, 117.5 pounds. Goodbye, size 7 jeans. Argh.

Bathing suit season is coming up. And Prom.
I need a new routine. I've tried going without, I've tried cutting down.

Any ideas? Or should I just join a gym?

~~~
But.. Thing 2 has obviously learned the art of growing close to one's heart, then weaving his way in and out of my life so that I don't know which way is up, but am so giddy that it doesn't matter anymore. I can't wait until he moves up to Baltimore to start working at the ship. (and he can't either. He's already mentioned that we'll be able to spend more time together and that I'll be a *distraction* to him. *Distractions* like me are good.) Wee.

Fresh Prince of Bel-Air - Jacob loves the re-runs
Fraggle Rock
G.I. Joe - We have just about every video
Are You Afraid of the Dark? - I think I saw this a couple times at friends' houses
Secret World of Alex Mack
Nightmare Before Christmas - wasn't allowed to see it, started watching it at my aunt's and parents freaked
Welcome Freshman
Space Cases
Roundhouse
The Muppet Show
Muppet Babies - I*heart* the Muppets. Baby Kermie and Fozzie were my favorite
Eureka's Castle - sounds familiar. Don't remember what it was exactly though.
Salute Your Shorts
Legends of the Hidden Temple
You Can't Do That On Television
G.U.T.S.
What Would You Do?
Double Dare
Rocko's Modern Life
All That
Ren and Stimpy
Clarissa Explains It All - all incredibly annoying Nick or Cartoon Network shows
The Torklesons
Pete and Pete
Stick Stickley Write to me, Stick Stickley, PO Box 963, NYC, NY State, 10108
Goodburger - I remember distictly wanting to see this and discussing it in detail with friends.
Angry Beavers
Sponge Bob
Hey Arnold! - a friend and I will quote this back and forth to each other.
AAH! Real Monsters an insanely stupid show on FOX.

Tiny Toons - they were awesome. Drove my parents nuts. I still probably have the Happy Meal toys around.
Animaniacs helped me with learning history. The best.
Pinky and the Brain - my favorite WB show. Nothing can top it.
The Babysitter's Club - I snuck these books home from the library to read them. Never got to much into them, perhaps finished off a dozen at max.
Underdog
Kablam! - wasn't this a movie with Shaq as a genie or something?
Gullah Gullah Island - too many Saturday mornings babysitting were spent watching this.
Richard Scarry - Where the Wild Things Are. 'Nuff said.
Dumbo's Circus
Ocean Girl
Mystery Files of Shelby Woo
Snick Snacks
Dunkaroos - a friend had these every day of seventh grade. *shudder*
SNICK
Koala Yummies
Where In The World Is Carmen Sandiego? - I raced home after gym to see this every Friday at 4. Had the Nintendo game.
Nick Magazine
The Goonies
Ernest Movies
Radio Flyer
Disney Watchers
Adventures in Wonderland
Homeward Bound
The Adventures of Yellow Dog
Milo and Otis
Neverending Story
Who Framed Roger Rabbit?
The Lion King
Labyrinth
101 Dalmations
The Secret Garden
Pete's Dragon
Hocus Pocus
Secret of Roan Inish
Land Before Time
Dinosaurs
Fern Gully
Secret of NIMH
Gummi Bears
Care Bears - I have two of their albums (real albums) and a dozen of the plastic dolls.
A Little Princess
Little Pony - a friend spilled grape juice all over them, so between a mix of toothmarks from my dog and dried juice, they're interesting.
Black Beauty
Rainbow Brite
Lady Lovely Locks
Candyland
Sorry!
Trouble
Don't Wake Daddy!
Mousetrap
Jenga
Don't Break the Ice
Hungry Hungry Hippos
Cooties
Tinker Toys
The castles that made tea sets
Polly Pocket (back when she was pocket-sized) - I had a million of those things.
Hypercolor T-Shirts
Lite Brite - there was one in my 2nd grade classroom. So cool.
Sky Dancers - evil evil things.
Scrunchies
Side Ponytails
Stirrup Pants *shudder*
Jellies - Had a pair of hot pink ones. Gave me blisters.
Saddle Shoes - I wouldn't wear them, no matter what. Thought they loooked like bowling shoes.
Barbies - I'll occasionally collect the designer ones. My dog left her teeth in the others' legs. Jacob burned my Barbie Dream House. *sniff*
Beanie Babies - my goodness. Still have my collection displayed in a hammock by my bed.
Tamagotchies - evil things. Mine drowned in the fish tank.
Yo-Yos
Duncans!!
Choose Your Own Adventure
Pogs - who could forget those?
Goosebumps - hated these books with a passion. Thought they wasted kids' minds away.
Magic Attic Club
American Girl - I saved up for Molly when I was nine. Have her bed and her things in my closet.
Island of the Blue Dolphin
Saved By The Bell
Full House
Step By Step
TGIF on ABC
Sabrina, the Teenage Witch
Boy Meets World - My favorite show.
Clueless
Mork and Mindy
Simpsons
Flipper
Eerie, Indiana
Third Rock From The Sun
Tracey Ullman Show
Ghostwriter
Growing Pains
Family Ties
Titanic - Saw this in the Senator Theatre. Massive infatuation with DiCraprio.
Felix The Cat: The Movie
Jonathan Taylor Thomas
Home Improvement
Tom and Huck
My Brother and Me
Kenan and Kel
Hanson
Inspector Gadget
Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles
Power Rangers
Hot Wheels
Creepy Crawlers
Easy Bake Oven - I made a coulple things at a neighbors. Tasted like crap. Made me realize I'd never be a famous chef.
Flower Making Kits
Weinerville
Wild and Crazy Kids
Playdough McDonald's Sets
Animorphs
Rainbow Fish
If You Give A Mouse A Cookie
Bailey School Kids
Wayside School
Mrs. Piggle Wiggle
Boxcar Kids
Ramona Quimby - Those were great. Read them all in first grade.
Amber Brown
Roald Dahl
Allegra's Window
3-2-1 Contact - even had a subsription to these.

will probably be put on hold for a few more months.

We talked a bit last night, and things were said that implied that he isn't ready, or has no desire to have a relationship (with anyone, not necessarily myself) at this point in life. I guess it makes sense. We've both been burned pretty badly. Maybe we still need time to lick our wounds before we move on, rather than having a possibility of adding salt to the wound. That could be why we've become friends; to help each other go on. He's already helped me tremendously; offering his ears, advice and a hug.

I think I'll wait it out. See what life has in store for me. Thing 2's come my way for some reason. If not a s/o, then a awesome friend. Like Allie said, "You lost a boyfriend, and got a good friend in return." Perhaps.

For your accessing ease, I've stuck them here.

For the past month I've been spending my Tuesday mornings, 9am to noon, watching a group of kids between the ages of 2 and 5. The job pays nicely, $30, tax-free, for three hours, and I get to spend time with the young'uns of my church.

I've fallen in love with these kiddies.

There's Jordan, 4, an angelic girl with light brown curly locks and serious blue eyes. She's incredibly sensitive. Then her friend Anna, 4, a tomboyish yet gentle child with cropped brown hair and an incredibly energetic disposition. Every morning, as soon as I arrive, she'll greet me by jumping on my shoulders an begging for a piggy-back ride. Liam, 3, a prepster that looks ready to join the likes of Harvard or Yale with his pale blond curls, flashing green eyes, and michevious disarming grin. A hearthrob for sure in ten years. John, 4, a quiet loner with black tousled hair and dark eyes, yet ever ready for a hug or even a ticklefest. Isabella, 2, a gorgeous Hispanic child whose mismatched English and Spanish and grins that would melt any heart. And Matthew, 5, a sometimes rebellious yet charming boy with bedhead brown locks and eyes.

Jordan's soft liting voice describes in detail the lives of her stuffed pony of puppy. Anna's always ready to climb into my lap for a story. Liam immediately stops his tears when his faced is pressed into my sweatshirt or I call him "StinkyFeet."

Today, Matthew, who wasn't exactly on his best behavior today, left me with hug, a kiss on my cheek, and a whispered "You're my favorite other mommy."

Kids have this wonderfully disarming way about them, of wrenching your heart out and wrapping their little arms around you, or fitting their tiny hands into yours, that you can't get mad, no matter what.

I won't have kids for another fifteen years at least, so these babies are my fix until then.

Theo* for his ingenious "wha..?!" remarks -
Bossman: You came to work straight from church, didn't you?
Me: Yes.
Theo: And she was wearing a skirt, and a blouse! No coat! No hat! It's cold out!
Me: I get over it. It was sunny when I left the house.
Theo: I couldn't wear that when it's cold like today.
Bossman: *snicker* I wouldn't let you come to work like that, either.
Me: Ha! We wouldn't know you.
Theo: Huh?
Bossman: Dressed in a outfit like she's wearing.
Theo: Huh?

Paul Smith's* impression of the "daring young man on the flying trapeze," er, rigging -
As I was lowering the City flag, it got caught on the shrouds, part of the ship's rigging. Paul muttered an expletive, and climbed up on the shroud to retrieve the flag. Jerry, a coworker, happened to catch my eye, and nudged me, saying,
"You know you'd lose your job if he'd fell."
"Oh, come on, I really can't give him a little shove? Pwetty pweese?"
Paul finally got the flag untangled, and jumped back on deck. (PS can be an aggravating and pushy volunteer. Few people can tolerate him. He's known for his erm... temper.)

Yours Truly's mind-blowing airheadedness -
I made a cake today, followed all the directions - added eggs and butter to the mix, the scraped the batter into the greased pans, noting the batter's unusual fluffiness and thickness. Turns out I had skipped over the minor part of adding water to the mixture.

* names have been changed to protect the guilty idiotic.

So mirror on the wall, who's the densest of them all?

Your choice. Click to comment and add your vote. Winners will be announced promptly.

last time you went to the bowling alley
Tuesday, with a couple friends from my Grad. class. I sucked.. got scores of 51 and 64.. my worst ever.

what perfume/cologne do you wear
Ralph by Ralph Lauren (yay for birthdays)

which foreign accents are sexy:
Irish, Spanish. Def. depends on the person. Having 14 year olds in El Salvador try to seduce you in broken English isn't gonna make it.. they also had "mustaches" so that could be part of the problem.

do you like jell-o if so what flavor:
Lime or the blue kind

brand of toothpaste:
Crest

last time you went to the doctor:
about a month ago.. I'm not dead yet.

ever taken dance class?:
yep. Country line dancing when I was 12, and ballroom in 8th grade.. *shudder*

favorite juice:
orange

most interesting person in your social circle:
me(!) there's a couple that could fit the bill

last book you read:
in the midst of 1984 by George Orwell. It's teking me longer the third time around.

white, dark, or milk chocolate:
Dark

natural haircolor:
Dark Brown, nearly black

favorite holiday:
4th of July.. and New Year's - summer or a fresh start and fireworks.. need I say more?

last time you smoked:
never

last thing you bought:
a floaty pale pink dress

are you stressed out...if so from what:
just life. I think. wanting to get out but knowing Ican't. At least not right now.

what do you wear to the beach:
A swim suit and a pair of shorts

would you ever join the military? why?:
I'm too out of shape.. I'd never ever make it. and I'm a w imp.

do you want a puppy?
I have my doggies. there was a yorkie mix I was begging daddy for the other day, but..

ever had a kick me sign on you:
not without my knowledge.. last year I and a coupla friends walked around White Marsh with Post-It Notes on our backs, to see if anyone would notice.

last party you went to:
mine.. :P

what detergent do you use:
Tide

what fabric softner do you use:
Downy.. I think

favorite movie star
Christina Ricci and Anna Paquin

do you work out:
I've actually started.. I feel so proud of myself.

do you go to a tanning bed:
I need to go soon.

are you in love?
no. "in like" but not in love.

what kind of jewelry do you wear:
Silver

favorite brand of gum:
DoubleMint

how do you take your coffee?
2 sugars, 2 creams

how do you take your tea?
straight, as dark as possible

do you write in pen or pencil....or markers:
pen. can't stand pencil

do you wear a watch
never

If I change the location, I'll leave a note in each of my linkies comment boxes'. Thanks.

Any other suggestions? She knows I feel like this is my personal diary, but I "live in her house" so I still don't deserve privacy (i.e. she would have no prob reading my tangible diary if she found it.)

Blech.
~~~
But on to good news... my plastic arrived today.. all shiny and new. Yay. I'm purchasing tickets tonight asap for Dashboard Confessional's concert at Merriweather Post Pavilion in June. I'll buy two, even though I don't have anyone to come with me yet. Any takers?

How can you throw us away? Look at what you lost today.
Now everything in shades of gray, and now you're pushing me away.
Say all the things you want to say, thought we were going all the way.
Play all the games you need to play.
Slowly we just fade away.
- Michelle Branch, "Love Me Like That"